X5 2017 Masthead
Divorce_marriage_feature

Divorce Party: Nasty or necessary?

Joanne Michelle

Some have them, yet some have never heard of them…Would you have one?

Divorce isn’t a nice thing to go through and while it may be confusing as to what the next step is after signing the papers and then receiving the official confirmation, having a party can be very therapeutic.

A divorce party is not a negative voodoo against your ex, but more of a celebration of your new chapter in life and the party itself can be so much fun.

Just over a year ago I had a divorce party

It was a celebration of “It is finally over!” and celebrating with girlfriends who have been there during the entire process from beginning to recovery. There were no nasty references to my ex-spouse and I held no negative feelings for him.

There can be mixed views on what a divorce party is exactly. Girlfriends cheering you on, saying “Yeah! to hell with him” and others being positive saying “What a wonderful way to finish the uncomfortable year” – both can be helpful and encouraging to different people.

Having a shared celebration with your nearest and dearest can lift you up. After all, you have a new chapter to look forward to.  Your divorce process may be overwhelming, however, having your friends and family with you can help ease that feeling.

I’m not saying you have to have a party or a celebration, but we all go through a moment of “Wow, it really is the end…”. If it’s not a party you want, perhaps organise a dinner out or a weekend away. However you choose to mark the occasion, it’s a good idea to acknowledge it as such and not to push it away and not be ashamed of it.

My daughter felt the party was a negative spin on the whole marriage

After explaining it wasn’t about being mean or nasty about her father, but more about the New Chapter for me and to be grateful for far I had come after the break-up and the process of the divorce, and to share this time with close friends.

She felt ok about it, however she felt the word Divorce wasn’t necessary… Why call it a Divorce party? The reality is, it’s a Divorce you are going through…

So it made me think about the word DIVORCE. Does divorce need to be a dirty word?  Do we believe if we divorce we are not worthy? That it’s negative, and it becomes part of who we are?

How does it make you feel?

Divorce doesn’t define who you are and if you have children, it shouldn’t with your children too. Being open and positive about the process with yourself and children will help your children understand its ok, and to understand when the marriage ends it’s because the marriage has served its purpose and now it’s time to move on.

These days it has become more common and hopefully people in society have accepted it more.  I mean really, no one goes into a marriage thinking they will divorce, but the reality is, it does happen and if it does happen, embrace it.  And with that there is no reason why you can’t have a divorce party.

A divorce party can mark the end of the tough road you were dealt with

It’s a great excuse to celebrate your sisterhood with all your dear friends and talk about the future and what you have in store for yourself.  A divorce party is part of the healing, the final empowered moment. Where you can take time to relax and laugh, scream at the top of your lungs that you can do anything you please as you accept the changes in your life.

At my divorce party I shared wine and food with friends, along with a cake that had a groom and bride, (the bride’s back to the groom…).  Everyone who came to celebrate my new chapter was so supportive and we had so much fun!  I even had balloons where at the end of the evening we wrote positive messages about my future.  We took them outside, snipped the balloons off their strings and sent them on their way!  It was cathartic to say the least.

Even though your marriage ended not ’til death do us part’, it’s ok and you will get through it. And by having a divorce party, you realise you will live happily ever after, with yourself and with your family and friends.

It really is a time to move forward and feel the love for yourself as you move on into the next chapter of your life.

Divorce party or New Chapter party whatever you want to call it…embrace it and move forward with a positive outcome.

user

Joanne Michelle

Joanne is Founder of Joanne Michelle and is a certified Health Coach and Divorcee who has set up Canberra’s first one-on-one break-up coaching program; offering health and wellness advice and practical techniques to help provide much needed support to women after their break-up or divorce. Joanne’s mission is to support and EMPOWER women to rediscover their identity after their break-up or divorce. With lack of support during her own personal experience, Joanne wanted to ensure women have the much needed support on offer. Going through a break-up or divorce can often be a mentally and emotionally devastating time, not to mention stressful. With this in mind, Joanne is now providing a coaching service to support women after their break-up. Joanne is caring and approachable, and knows first-hand, life doesn’t end once you divorce. For more information, please visit www.joannemichelle.com.au or email [email protected] More about the Author

  • Jus

    I agree. I always thought that divorce parties were tacky until my girlfriends convinced me to do it. On the day that I lodged those papers in court, I could have gone home and spent another loser night crying and feeling bad. Instead, I had a bevy of wonderful women who were kind enough to take me out and make me laugh and cheer me up. When one part of your life goes wobbly, it’s fantastic to be reminded about the positive bits that you keep!

DVCS_leaderboard