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Five New Year’s Resolutions You Have Permission To Fail

Sarah Bown

“Because if at first you don’t succeed, stop trying and have a Mint Slice.”

At the start of a brand new year, making resolutions seems like a good idea. So did buying little Maggie a Tickle Me Elmo for Christmas but we all know how that turned out.

It’s hard to escape their lure. They’re in quotes on Instagram and inspirational videos on Facebook. They suck even the strongest in. Hell they sucked me in and I’ve resisted buying any hot cross buns yet. Ok, I’ve bought one packet but it was the arrival of a new year, not a whole new willpower.

I’m making a PSA to slow down on our New Year’s Resolutions. We made them in the shiny new first day of the year which, by the third week are now looking a little limp around the edges. We’ll set ourselves up for a much better year if we just give up on a few of our resolutions now.

Frankly, 2017 can’t be any worse than last year so we’re covered.

Run a marathon

If I had a penny for every time I heard this I’d have enough to buy the Presidency from Trump.

There’s no denying there are many health benefits to running. And it produces dopamine, the chemical in our brain that makes us feel good…but so does baking fresh bread and perfecting the art of winged eyeliner but we wouldn’t want to do them for four hours straight.

If you like running on a weekly basis then run and be free but don’t fall prey to society’s definition of what makes a “real runner”. I ran most of the way home on the night Gilmore Girls was released so I wouldn’t miss it. Now that, ladies, is one of many definitions of a real runner.

Spend less time with technology

Technology cops all sorts of criticism. Sure it rots your brain but so do Redskins and those babies used to be three for 10c at the canteen.

Technology is a benefit to our lives as long as we don’t use it as a crutch. I’m also trying to disconnect and spend more time reading and talking to people actually sitting in front of me. I encourage you to listen to real voices and not those pesky notification dings. But bear in mind sometimes those real voices are asking why there are four new pairs of ankle boots in your wardrobe and in that case you have permission to feign deafness and “just keep scrolling, just keep scrolling”.

Make more money

Sure you like the idea of becoming a 22-year-old start-up millionaire. But you’re not 22 and have $27.95 in your bank account. You like the idea of telling your boss you deserve more money but can’t bring yourself to tell them they have hummus in their teeth from lunch. For most people, their “millionaire” money tree is looking as healthy as that rosemary plant Mum claimed even I couldn’t kill (I showed her).

A million dollars isn’t going to sprout overnight and if you’re halfway through this year and haven’t made a dent in the huge pay rise you expected, you’re just going to feel worse. Maybe try saving more from the money you already have coming in – three caramel lattes a day does not a millionaire maketh.

Make twenty new friends

A group of girlfriends are like horseradish. Trendy and delicious when the right amount is used but add too much and it’s all very overwhelming. Everyone knows three beautiful and supportive friends are better than 17 crappy ones so be mindful it really is quality over quantity. Appreciate the friends you have and maybe clear more time in your schedule to see them. Or if you really are on the hunt for more gal pals set a more realistic target of two. Made a new friend at a New Year’s Day BBQ? Now you’ve got 11 more months to make another one and suddenly, the pressure is off!

Quit drinking/sugar/texting exes (although you really should stop that last one…)

“I’m never drinking again!” is the battle cry most commonly heard after the clocks strike midnight. Which of course is then quickly followed by “…after this Espresso Martini!”. I’m all about sticking to your guns and making positive changes to your habits but achieving resolutions is supposed to be fun and not feel like you’ve been dragged through a bush backwards by a Monster Truck.

Changing any habit requires a lot of gut checking to keep the goal in sight but it shouldn’t leave you hiding in the toilets at brunch because the people on the table next to you ordered Mimosas. Cold turkey is a hard road to go down – maybe try lukewarm turkey instead.

Resolutions are like cover bands. One or two big smash hits can leave you the next Justin Bieber (or Justine, #becauseequalitymatters). But too many half-arsed songs and suddenly you’re in the Orange RSL married to someone named Robbo and dedicating your songs to what could have been.

It’s your choice.

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Sarah Bown

Sarah is fresh off the plane to Canberra and quickly realising she's not in Kansas anymore. She's a writer and marketing professional by day and spends her free time reading way too much self-help literature followed up by too much Pinot Gris. Sarah spent 2015 working in Mongolia sharing her marketing and communications skills with local organisations. Yes it was her choice, yes they have internet and no it's not next to Syria. She's in Canberra to write more, exercise more, meditate more and then proceed to do Option D: none of the above. Sarah shares more newbie tips, general hilarity and plenty of things to read while procrastinating doing actual work at www.facebook.com/signedbysez. More about the Author

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