Hale 12 Week Masthead

Sex, toilet paper and a new housemate

Kristen Henry

It’s an exciting time when your cute other half suggests you should live together. Cue happy dance: I ran out and had matching key rings made that had “Home is wherever I’m with you” engraved on them. Gosh, I’m a dork.

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You hear how he will keep you warm in winter and how you’ll have a captive audience when you need to have a whinge. However, what you don’t hear is the most important stuff!

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Beware girlfriends, the truth regarding your new living arrangements below…

  • He has keys and can come home at any time. When I say ‘any’ time, I mean the exact moment you’ve applied hair removal cream to your bikini and lip areas.
  • Think of your toilet paper consumption as a single lady, and then multiply it by approx. 2465. You’ll be confused as to where the hell it goes; does he eat it while dropping the kids off at the pool? Why am I forever carrying loo paper through Aldi and out to my car?

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  • You’ll need to explain, in detail, what a ‘bobby pin’ is. It is a confusing contraption to men, especially when they find them ALL over the house.
  • He will want to have sex or a conversation at the exact moment you’re exhausted.
  • He won’t appreciate your decorative bed pillows as much as you do. FYI : they also pose an OH&S risk in the dark, after he’s flung them across the room
  • Make the transition from sexy, “you want me” nighties to flannelette pyjamas a gradual change.
  • Explain that “shared” cupboard space equates to an 80/20 share. Let’s be honest, your shoe collection is bigger than his entire wardrobe. The bathroom ‘share’ will be the trickiest. Ask what his top three bathroom products are, and then explain there is only room for those.

Good luck ladies, I hope this helps.

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Kristen Henry is one half of The Kristen and Wilko Show on MIX 106.3 in Canberra. Follow her adventures at kristenhenry.com.au.

More about the Author

  • Jane Quick

    Do we really still need out dated, stereo typical (completely unhelpful) articles like this? HerCanberra I’ve always viewed you as a website that supports true gender equality but this article and other’s like it that perpetuate old fashioned, sexist, gendered roles cheapen you. HerCanberra you need to lift your game and the quality of your articles.

    • Kristen

      Hi Jane,this piece was written with a light heart and tongue in cheek of a personal experience I’m going through at the moment, sorry if it didn’t read like that for you. Certainly not giving anyone a label or defined role, if you can relate to it and it makes you chuckle, fantastic! If it’s not for you, that’s cool too. Have a great day.

    • Kata

      The humour in this is that there is a grain of truth to it. It may not ring true for everyone, but there are elements in there that most people can relate to. Do we really need to be so quick to make everything so political?

  • Lauren Kearney

    Bahaha LOVE this!! Can totally relate!! I still trip over the discarded decorative bed pillows 6 years later…..there are bobby pins literally everywhere…..the comfy PJs are here to stay…..and storage space is a constant battle!!!

  • mademyday

    Lol, you always know how to make me smile, Kristen!

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