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What friends don’t know about your break-up

Joanne Michelle

You may be reading this because you’re going through a break-up and aren’t sure how to cope, especially if you are being asked all the time “how is it going?”

What happened? What is he up to these days? Or maybe you know someone who is going through a break-up, and you may not know exactly how they might be feeling? Are you there to support them? Or are you just curious and want the goss?

Going through a break-up can be difficult. You feel confused. Your world has been turned upside down. You don’t know what the future holds and you sure as hell know the plans you made with your ex-spouse will no longer be.

It’s a time to reflect. It’s a time to find out who you are again. It’s a time to cherish the beauty in life, because what goes on with a break-up is draining.

Especially if you are going through a divorce and when children are involved.

Friends come to support you and it’s wonderful…

You may find yourself in a situation where friends you may not have been in contact for some time come back into your life. It’s truly amazing. Friends are great support the old and the new. What I have seen and even experienced is there are only a few that really care, the rest are just curious. It sounds harsh, but it’s the reality. You need to be mindful of the curious ones, because the curious ones are not supporting you, they are actually draining you.

The curious ones want to know everything that happened and what is happening, they want to dig in deep and find out all the nitty gritty.

The curious ones are so engrossed in the drama of a break-up they are not supporting you, they are supporting their own ego. All it does is bring the negative back into your life when you are trying to move forward as best you can. When you find yourself surrounded by the curious friends, you need to tell yourself, “they do not serve me right now”.

There are two options in this situation

  1. You need to be upfront with the curious ones and let them know the curiosity is not appropriate and you rather not discuss it with them. By being honest with the curious ones, you are also being honest with yourself. You will find yourself feeling lighter because you are not carrying extra burden of trying to please the curious ones even when you don’t want to. Allowing yourself to feel during your break-up is what will get you through your break-up, not continuously talking and explaining the situation to the curious ones. By doing this you will ‘feel’ but you will feel negativity.
  2. You need to let the curious ones go. By not having them in your life you are able to heal in a positive way. This can be really hard, but if the curious ones don’t appreciate what you are going through, it will take a whole lot longer to move forward and start living the life you desire for yourself as a single person. Dwelling on the past and continually bringing negativity about your ex-spouse in your life will only hold you back.

Letting go of the additional drama from the curiosity of friends is the best thing you can do for yourself. Let in the friends who truly care and want to support you. Because the ones who are feeding on any information to dislike your ex-spouse and to find out what is going on is only going to prolong your healing. The longer it takes to heal and yes, we all take a different amount of time to heal, the longer it will take to move onto the next phase of your life.

What the curious friends don’t know is that it’s wasted energy to continue to talk about what happened in the relationship that caused the break-up

It has happened, and once you have accepted it, you no longer want to dwell on it.

The curious friends may have their own personal issues and it makes them feel better… whatever the reason is, the curious ones will continue to dig during your time of healing.

Remember to be true to yourself and don’t let the curious friend’s interfere with your healing. Embrace your supportive friends with open arms.

If you know someone going through a break-up you need to ask yourself are you being supportive? Or just curious?

Read more: How to be grateful during your break up and 10 things to remember when going through your break-up.


Joanne Michelle

Joanne is Founder of Joanne Michelle and is a certified Health Coach and Divorcee who has set up Canberra’s first one-on-one break-up coaching program; offering health and wellness advice and practical techniques to help provide much needed support to women after their break-up or divorce. Joanne’s mission is to support and EMPOWER women to rediscover their identity after their break-up or divorce. With lack of support during her own personal experience, Joanne wanted to ensure women have the much needed support on offer. Going through a break-up or divorce can often be a mentally and emotionally devastating time, not to mention stressful. With this in mind, Joanne is now providing a coaching service to support women after their break-up. Joanne is caring and approachable, and knows first-hand, life doesn’t end once you divorce. For more information, please visit or email [email protected] More about the Author