10 things I’ve stopped caring about in my mid-20s (and why)
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Last year I turned 25 and, in the months, minutes, and hours leading up to my big day, all I felt was one thing: existential dread.
I didn’t want to be 25 – to me, it represented an end, rather than a beginning. But then my birthday came (as they always do), and I had a wonderful day full of love and joy. But while the existential dread is gone, I don’t feel wiser and more grown up. I actually just feel weirder.
Let me explain.
Twenty-five is an odd age. Still considered to be ‘young’ but old enough to make major life decisions (like marrying, having children, buying a house, etc), at this age my peers are divided into two groups: those who are doing those major things and those who are still living like it’s 2017 – clubbing all weekend, drinking all night and making the most of a relatively responsibility-free life. I don’t have an issue with either of these things (you do you, boo), but as someone in the middle of these groups (I’m not a partier but I’m also not ready to be someone’s mummy or wife just yet) it just feels…odd.
And that’s okay. That’s what I’m telling myself – that it’s normal and okay to feel a bit lost right now. So, in honour of my general confusion surrounding this period of life, I thought I would share 10 things I’ve decided to stop caring about in my mid-20s (and why).
Because if I’ve learned one thing after 25 years of life, it’s that it’s never predictable. It just needs perspective. Even if that perspective is to just…stop…giving a flip. And hopefully, it helps with some of those weird feelings.
Drinking
I like alcohol. I enjoy a good glass of prosecco or a yummy cocktail (hands up if you also love a good spicy marg?). But do I feel the need to have a drink at every social function or event I attend? Not anymore. Not like I used to.
See, before I came to the realisation I loathe feeling sluggish, hungover, and useless, I would indulge – because I was told I couldn’t. Growing up as a type one diabetic, my doctors always told me I would be the designated driver of my friendship group because alcohol and diabetes don’t mix. So when I realised I could safely have a drink (or several) on a night out, I would.
And it wasn’t a bad thing, but…I now no longer feel like I HAVE to have a drink in my hand to be like everyone else. And I’ve stopped caring about saying ‘no’ to a cocktail when I genuinely don’t feel like one, even if everyone else is drinking. It doesn’t mean I don’t indulge – it just means I’ve stopped caring about what others think when I choose not to.
FOMO
I don’t get FOMO anymore, I get JOMO. The fear of missing out of overrated and when I embrace JOMO (the joy of missing out), it’s usually because I’m doing something I actually enjoy – even if that is just watching TV in my pyjamas on New Year’s Eve.
This leads me to my next point…
Feeling the need to say ‘yes’ to everything
Why, WHY did I used to care about this so much? Honestly one of the most empowering things I’ve learned in my 20s is knowing how much I can handle and prioritising what I actually want to do. What is the point of adult life if it’s not living it the way you genuinely want too?
Changing my appearance
This was a big one for me during my teens and early 20s. I would spend hours agonising about making a small change to my appearance, like getting a new piercing or cutting my hair. I would ask everyone’s opinion, I would take everything on board, and even if I REALLY wanted to do it…I wouldn’t. Just in case that small change would mean someone would like me less or it would diminish my value.
And then I cut my waist-length blonde hair into a bob, and I stopped caring. Because I realised it’s ultimately about what makes me happy and confident, and damn, did I feel good. Besides, hair grows back, and you can take out piercings – and if something like that makes someone change their perspective about who you are intrinsically as a person, maybe they’re not someone you want or need in your life.
Having a ‘perfect’ life
Spoiler alert from current me to past me – life isn’t perfect. And everything you see on social media is a lie. You’ll never have everything you think you want (and ‘think’ is the key word here), you’ll always feel like you’re failing in some way and there will always be something you need to do. Embrace it – the messiness is what makes life fun.
Knowing what I’m doing
Yes, technically I’m a quarter of a century old but I still have to tell myself “lefty loosey, righty tighty” to remember which way to turn a screwdriver. And don’t even get me started on pushing and pulling doors (seriously – watch me. It’s sad). I honestly have no idea what I’m doing in ANY aspect of my life.
Work? Making it up as I go along (and I think I’m doing a good job). General adulting – like paying bills? Figuring it out as I go. Friendships and relationships? Doing my best. And I’ve given up pretending that I know what’s going on.
Why? Because I figure everyone is just as lost as me, so why waste the energy? I’m comfortable with the idea I’m still growing. But one day I will know whether to push or pull without having to think about it or read a sign.
Investing in ‘things’
Yes, I still want things – but I can’t take a Chanel handbag* with me when I die. I want to make memories that I can look back on, I want to invest in experiences and moments with loved ones. And when I do invest in things, I want them to be of good quality to see me through those memories.
Caring what people think
You think my Instagram posts are cringey? God, me too. But they make me happy. And I just honestly don’t care what people think of me anymore – it’s their problem, not mine. I don’t want to spend any more time agonising over things like this.
Following a set path
Plans change. People too. There’s no point mapping everything out because you’ll just drive yourself insane when it doesn’t work out. I’m not saying don’t have a plan – but things take time and setting strict timelines can sometimes cause more harm than good. Remember when we all thought we would be married and have two kids by the age of 25? Life doesn’t always live up to your expectations. Once I stopped caring about hitting milestones, I began to enjoy working up to them more.
Waiting for ‘real life’ to start
If I’ve learned anything throughout my 25 years of life – from finding love to living through health scares (for both me and my family), experiencing loss and all the crazy things in between – its life is happening NOW.
This might feel like a weird transitional period but that doesn’t mean I should be waiting for anything. I’m working my butt off to stop feeling like I need things to change to start living the life I want. I’m trying to live it now.
Carpe diem and all that.
*That said, I will very happily own a Chanel handbag and will ALWAYS accept one as a gift or token of affection. Dior and Prada are also acceptable. Hint hint.
