Three things someone living with type one diabetes wants you to know about mental health
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I have to choose to save my own life every day. But it’s not always an easy choice.
This isn’t the first time I’ve written about my experience of living with type one diabetes (you can read more here and here) but this is the first time I will admit that sometimes….I don’t want to have to be my own hero.
I don’t want to have to decide to save my life on a monthly, weekly, daily, or hourly basis. Sometimes, I don’t want to eat that lolly, press that button, or inject that needle. Sometimes I just want to exist without the pressure of living.
It’s a feeling I’m sure many other people living with chronic illness can understand.
This year, World Diabetes Day is taking place on Thursday 14 November, and to mark the annual event, the International Diabetes Federation wants to talk about well-being for a better life with diabetes.
Actually, the exact wording is “diabetes life” – because there’s no separation between the two. And if you ask any diabetic, living with diabetes really boils down to one question: do you control it, or does it control your life?
Ahead of World Diabetes Day, here are three things that I want you to know about diabetes and mental health. Because the impact of living with type one diabetes goes beyond the body.
Diabetes can have a serious psychological and emotional impact
It’s taken me years to admit the mental toll diabetes has on my life. In fact, it’s taken over 20 years of living with this chronic condition to realise that some days I need to ask for help – and that it’s not a sign of weakness.
Because I’m not alone.
According to Diabetes Australia, up to 50 per cent of people living with diabetes are thought to also have a mental illness, such as depression or anxiety. Research also shows that having diabetes more than doubles the risk of developing depression, and if you think about it, it’s not surprising.
Type one diabetes is a demanding condition. It means constantly making life-and-death decisions (an extra 180 decisions every day to be exact), it means constantly thinking about my health and it means constantly monitoring everything – from my sleep to what I eat. It just never stops.
I’m privileged to live the life I do, and I will always be the first to admit that. But sometimes it feels like too much. That’s when I know that I need to stop and take a breath before diabetes burnout hits.
Diabetes never takes a break. It’s exhausting
Living with type one diabetes is a 24/7 hour job that requires constant regulation – and it’s not as simple as testing our blood sugar and eating some healthy food.
Diabetics are constantly regulating everything from stress to physical health because everything (and I mean everything) has an impact. Even the menstrual cycle can have an impact on blood glucose levels – which means I can get a mean dose of PMS and high blood glucose levels on the same day. And no, I’m not nice to be around.
Along with constantly balancing the daily demands of diabetes (checking blood glucose levels, eating, giving insulin, exercising, working, and just…you know, living) not only is the continuous need for behavioural self-regulation both mentally and physically draining, but then add on dealing with the medical system and it’s no wonder that it’s not unusual for diabetics to feel exhausted, frustrated or just over it.
But diabetes never takes a break, and we don’t have the luxury of stepping away – because if we did, the consequence is simple. We’d die.
And while that might sound harsh, it’s the truth the predicted one million Australians living with diabetes face every day.
It leaves emotional scars
In 2021 I interviewed fellow type one diabetic Courtney Pitson, and three years later something she said still resonates with me:
“I have so much unresolved trauma from this disease, in addition to everything else going on in my life. I don’t remember huge chunks of my childhood, which as I get older, makes me sad…Now as an adult, I’m trying to process the trauma and deal with the trauma and deal with the fact that I’ve blocked out 95% of my childhood.”
“My mental health has taken a huge hit. I think anyone who’s a type one diabetic would have to admit that, because how could it not?”
Reflecting on my life, I will admit there’s a lot of my childhood I don’t remember as well and there are a lot of ‘normal’ things that I didn’t get a chance to experience. But not only do I mourn my past, but I also mourn my future.
I’m 25 and while it’s not on the cards anytime soon if I want children, I have a higher risk of complications with pregnancy. I also have a lower life expectancy and I’m 4.5 times more likely to die young.
Being faced with my mortality from the age of five has made me resilient. But what choice did I have? Because when it comes down to it, while I have an amazing support system, I have to be my own hero.
I have to save my own life every day. And while that’s pretty amazing, I’m just one of millions going through the same thing.
That’s why we need to talk about diabetes and mental health.
For more information about World Diabetes Day visit worlddiabetesday.org
