IDAHOBIT: what does Pride means to these Canberrans?
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In honour of International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia (IDAHOBIT), today millions of people around the world are going rainbow against LGBTQIA+ discrimination.
To support our local queer community, we asked three Canberrans about what Pride means to them – and how we can continue to work towards an even brighter future.
Gem Chua-Saaed Basaad (content creator)
What is Pride to you and when did truly feel like you understood it?
I was born and raised in a very conservative community where being gay is treated as a taboo, a sin (as what religious people call it) and not normal (as how my parents describe it). But what is normal? This is the question I always asked them when they would tell me to act like “one”. It was a tough ride but even at an early age, I knew I deserved to be accepted, to be loved and to be treated as an equal.
It was a long road of Perseverance and Resilience from judgement, it was a long journey of wanting to be Included. It was years of Determination in continuing to fight for my freedom – to love, to be happy, to live and to Embrace my truth.
Why is LGBTQIA+ representation and visibility so important?
Because it’s all about acceptance. It is such a heroic thing to do, it can save someone’s life. When a person can show someone how they proudly embrace their identity, it then gives the other person a reason to accept and embrace theirs. It gives others the chance to ignite their own fire – to continue persevering, to inspire, and to live fully.
What do you wish you could tell your younger self about identity?
This gets me so emotional! But to my younger self, I would say “I am so proud of you”. I am proud that you didn’t back down, you fought so well to where you are now. Remember your favourite movie The Incredibles, when Elastic girl says, “Your identity is the most valuable possession, protect it”? When you grow old, this quote makes sense. It’s not about hiding yourself from masks, it’s protecting who you really are, embracing it and making sure no one, I repeat, NO ONE can control, create, or define it but YOU.
How can Canberra be even more inclusive to create a better future for our LGBTQIA+ community?
When I moved to Australia in 2014, I understood Pride more because Australia is more open and more accepting than where I’m from. I am always grateful for this place because not only it gave me bread and butter, but it also gave me more acceptance. I didn’t have to explain myself when I say my partner is a “she”, automatically people would change the pronouns and continue on with the conversation and it is so refreshing.
I am grateful and it is heart-warming knowing how Canberra feels safe to all LGBTQIA+ community – but it would be nice to have more events to celebrate us.
Alice Wonderlich (student)
What is Pride to you and when did truly feel like you understood it?
I knew I was bi when I was around 14 but it took until about the age of 23 for me to really start understanding the importance of Pride. I was at uni and I started seeing more people be out and open with who they were and it let me feel like – as far as my sexuality was concerned – like I fit in.
As it turned out the small sense of acceptance and the people I met allowed me to really explore who I was. I started questioning if bi was the right label for me because I could look at gender differently – even working out that I was transgender. I don’t think that I could have done that without others being proud of who they are and willing to share themselves. I think Pride and Pride events give those small glimpses into the LGBTQIA+ community, allowing others that safety to look at who they are.
Why is LGBTQIA+ representation and visibility so important?
I love seeing same-sex relationships – it gives me a real sense of joy and Pride. Real-life examples show me that I’m free to be who I am. I think media and other such mediums provide others who might not be exposed to such things in their everyday life a little window.
For example, Will and Grace was one of those shows that gave a glimpse into how a gay man might live and how it might compare to others. It was well ahead of its time! Now with so much access to the world, I think queer representation is almost drowned out by other things – including negative opinions about the community. Articles like this one have never been so important to show how people can and do live.
What do you wish you could tell your younger self about identity?
Other than “Hey kid, it’s okay to want to be a girl and you can be”? I think that love is love and it can be directed at anyone. The idea that love can only be given – or experienced – to and by family or a single partner is very restrictive. It prevents you from experiencing so much more joy and connection with other people. I’ll proudly say ‘I love you’ to all my friends and genuinely mean it – it’s the deep sense of connection and safety with them that brings so much to my life.
So, I’d tell my younger self to let yourself feel strongly about everyone. Don’t restrict yourself or your feelings. Let them be free.
How can Canberra be even more inclusive to create a better future for our LGBTQIA+ community?
To be very honest, there isn’t a day that I don’t fear that I might be a target for some form of discrimination. Whether it be something small like a strange look or people shielding their children from me to something much darker or deadly. Even in Canberra – which has developed a reputation of being quite accepting – I hear of a lot of incidents involving my trans siblings.
For Canberra to move towards a more accepting society, I think it really is falling to the residents to call out the ‘isms’ they say – the use of slurs and derogatory comments needs to be challenged and it needs to be done vocally and loudly. I think articles like this one are important steps to this and making the queer community feel safer expressing themselves. That safety to question and explore oneself in such a deep and personal way is so vital.
Dion Pretorius (contributor)
What is Pride to you and when did truly feel like you understood it?
There are two moments in my life that stand out where I really understood the value of Pride.
The first was when I ran into a parade in Berlin three weeks after I came out to my parents. It was a revolution to see people expressing their queer identity after I had come to terms with mine. It was such a safe, joyful, and inclusive experience and completely unexpected as I was there to visit a museum that the parade just happened to pass. I have to admit I shed a tear and was really moved by the contrast between the shame and guilt I had felt for so many years, and this very public display of celebration.
The other time that stands out was one of my first dates with a guy. I was so nervous and so self-conscious, but also so excited and proud to be where I was after being in the closet so long. We were sitting in a park chatting and holding hands when a car drove past, and someone yelled a gay slur out of their window. I immediately felt unsafe and ashamed, and I remember thinking about it for days afterwards. It was every awkward moment of my childhood and adolescence made real. The thing that got me through though was my pride – the feeling that despite the negativity that was thrown at me, I was being myself and that they were in the wrong; I was in the right.
Why is LGBTQIA+ representation and visibility so important?
I think it’s about making sure people begin to assume difference – it’s across the board when it comes to diversity but it is empowering and heartening to be in a community that doesn’t exclude you inadvertently through the language they use or the assumptions they make. For example, saying ‘partner’ instead of a gendered word means that so many more people can feel included. As a gay man, it’s also important to acknowledge that there are members of our LGBTIQA+ community who are fighting for very basic rights that we’ve enjoyed for some time. It’s like the saying goes, we are only as strong as our most vulnerable – that goes for the broader community, and the LGBTIQA+ community too.
What do you wish you could tell your younger self about identity?
I was lucky to have a loving family, stable home and loving community around me. I only came out in my 20s, but that was more a product of the attitude to LGBTIQA+ people more broadly, and I was again fortunate to do it on my terms and in a way that was right for me. I think my main piece of advice would be to embrace every part of myself – I was terrified of having anything remotely feminine attached to my identity. I wish I’d embraced my softer side, painted my nails, worn pink and embraced whatever made me feel good, rather than what made people feel comfortable.
How can Canberra be even more inclusive to create a better future for our LGBTQIA+ community?
I think we are well on our way. We have a great plan for the city and a community that is continually evolving its understanding and acceptance of diversity in all forms. That being said, I still think twice before holding my partner’s hand in public or referring to my partner using a male pronoun. I think improvements can be made when you look at the conversations around policies that impact the trans community and anyone who may have several diverse aspects to their identity – be it a person with a disability, cultural diversity, or who identifies as Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander. A big part of this is continued funding for the community organisations that support or advocate for the LGBTIQA+ community, and robust support and resources for students in schools that include pathways to access for people from all backgrounds.