In a couple weeks’ time, the grand finals of Australia’s two major football codes (Australian Rules football and rugby league) will finally be here.

For thousands of footy-mad fans across the country, this is the moment they’ve been waiting many months for- or, in the case of supporters of the South Sydney Rabbitohs (who are the competition favourites in rugby league), this is the moment they’ve been waiting for since 1971.  As for the rest us…meh…we’re more interested in who wins X Factor or Australia’s Got Talent, or, if you’re like me, you’re just hanging out for the next season of Downton Abbey.

I wouldn’t call myself a MASSIVE footy fan. I do have my teams (though I tend to do a bit of switching, much to the consternation of my Roosters-and Sydney Swans-mad friend, Fiona), and I’ll happily watch football games live and on television. But I can still continue on with my life if my favourite teams lose (unlike my husband who was absolutely gutted for DAYS after the Melbourne Storm thrashed the Canberra Raiders not too long ago).  And well, let’s face it, I really only watch the footy to see some fine examples of the male species decked in short shorts leaping about or grappling and tackling one another on the ground. I don’t usually care who wins unless I see a lot of my favourite hunks of flesh on the telly or if I’ve made any money out of them with my bets -yes, I shamelessly admit it, I am a mercenary when it comes to football!

With Grand Finals Fever just around the corner, I thought it would be a good time to acquaint the not-so-very-footy-minded HerCanberrans amongst us with some basics, and some interesting facts, about the two football codes, courtesy of my husband’s lifelong football knowledge and Tony Squire’s excellent book, ‘Cracking the Footy Codes’ (A.K.A Publishing, 2009).

Let’s begin with Australian Rules Football (AFL), or, as it’s derogatively known, ‘aerial ping pong’. Growing up in Sydney rugby league land, the only things I knew about Aussie Rules was the ‘Up There, Cazaly’ commercials on TV, and the very blond Warwick Capper and his very short shorts. I’ve learned a lot about the game since then, and there is certainly a lot more to this sport than men in tight shorts.

AFL Basics

• AFL is played on an oval-shaped field with scoring posts at each end.
• At each end of the oval are four white goal posts. If a player kicks a ball through the two centre goal posts, he scores a ‘goal’ which is worth 6 points. If the ball misses the inner posts and goes between the two outer posts, this is known as a ‘behind’ and is worth 1 point.
• The main purpose of the game is to kick or hand pass the ball to your team mates in forward positions who then kick it through the goal posts.
• The game is won by the team who has the highest score at the final siren.
• A game lasts for 80 minutes and is divided into four 20 minute quarters.
• There are 18 players per team.  And they run around a LOT.
• Players are split into three categories: forwards (the ones who score the goals), backs (they try and stop the goals), and midfielders (the ones who do a lot the running).
• A player catching a kicked ball on the full is said to have taken a ‘mark.’ He can either play on, or take his time to kick the ball.
• Players cannot be tackled higher than the shoulder, or lower than the knees.
• Unlike NRL, rugby union and soccer, there is no kick-off to begin the game. An AFL game begins with an opening bounce by one of the field umpires.
• There are 18 teams in the AFL competition. They are: Hawthorn Hawks, Collingwood Magpies, Sydney Swans, Geelong Cats, Carlton Blues, Essendon Bombers, North Melbourne Kangaroos, Melbourne Demons, St Kilda Saints, Richmond Tigers, Western Bulldogs, Fremantle Dockers, West Coast Eagles, Port Adelaide Power, Adelaide Crows, GWS Giants, Brisbane Lions, and the Gold Coast Suns.
• Each AFL season is made up of 23 ‘home and away’ rounds and 4 rounds of finals games. The season runs from the end of March until the end of September each year.
• Only eight teams will make the finals each year.

Some Interesting Facts

• Unlike rugby and rugby league, Aussie Rules is fair dinkum. It was created in Victoria in 1858.
• Aussie Rules was influenced by many well-known sports such as rugby and soccer, but it may also have been influenced by a traditional Aboriginal game called Marngrook. Marngrook involved kicking a ball made from animal skin and stuffed with feathers and charcoal high into the air.
• The first Aussie Rules game took place over 150 years ago between Scotch College and Melbourne Grammar School.
• Aussie Rules was known as VFL (Victorian Football League) until it became national in 1990. From then on it became known as AFL.
• Alex Jesaulenko, one of the great legends of AFL, was born and bred in Canberra.
• Each AFL team has its own team anthem, sung by fans loudly and proudly at the end of each successful game.
• Women have been playing AFL for many years, too. Records exist of a female football side made up of department store staff  in Perth in 1917. In 2006, over 48,000 women played the sport in Australia, making AFL one of the fastest growing sports among Australian women. State teams compete in the AFL National Women’s Championships.
• Collingwood is the team that everybody loves to hate.
• In 1982, the South Melbourne Football Club relocated to Sydney and became the Sydney Swans.
• The Brownlow Medal is the most prestigious prize in AFL and is awarded every year to the overall best and fairest player. The medal is named after Geelong Cats administrator, Charles Brownlow, who died in 1924.
• Roy Cazaly (1893-1963) was one of the legends of Aussie Rules and his famous high marks gave rise to the famous phrase, ‘Up there, Cazaly!’ which became synonymous with Aussie Rules football. ‘Up there, Cazaly!’ was a battle cry used by Australian forces during World War II, and it was also the name of a song in 1979 released by Mike Brady and the Two Man Band.
• In the 1982 Grand Final between Carlton and Richmond, a 17 year old girl gained instant fame when she streaked across the MCG wearing only a Carlton team scarf. She was find $1000.

Finally, here are some of my Collingwood-loving friend, Bud’s, tips on what women can do if they find themselves in love with a Collingwood supporter:

• If Collingwood lose, just say, “Are all the games so poorly umpired?”
• If Collingwood win, just say, “Surely they’re not this brilliant week after week!”
• Everytime Collingwood score a goal you must say, “What a superb team effort! No fluke in that one!”
• Everytime the opposition score a goal, you must say, “Not a bad goal, but a bit lucky.”

And

• If a Collingwood player takes your fancy, just ask your beloved, “Who is that fine, strapping figure of a man? Gosh, he looks just like you!”

Say all these things at the right time and in the right tone and your darling Collingwood-loving husband/fiancé/partner will willingly buy you more high teas, more jewellery, and book that overseas trip you’ve been gently prodding him towards…AFTER THE GRAND FINAL.

 The AFL Grand Final will take place on Saturday, September 28 at the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG).

Next time: A Girl’s Very Basic Guide to Rugby League