Two friends with two different—but rewarding—foster journeys.
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Just like average mums forging a friendship out of a mothers’ group, Amelia and Bec have spent the past five years sharing laughter, frustrations, milestones, and occasionally tears, as their raise their kids.
But their journey is not average. Amelia and Bec are part of the Canberra region’s community of foster carers brought together and supported by ACT Together. They provide the love and stability of devoted parents, to children placed into their care.
As single parents, both women provide Concurrent Care. Concurrent Care is where the foster carer is asked to support a restoration to parents or family. However, if its determined by the courts that restoration is unable to occur, concurrent carers are asked to be the child’s forever family.
Bec’s first placement was with a child who she now has a permanent order for and will continue to care for until he reaches adulthood, and of course, beyond.
“From a young age I knew fostering was something I wanted to do. I had a desire to be a mum and felt fostering was the right way for me to achieve that,” Bec said.
“I brought my son home when he was three weeks old with the aim of birth family restoration. This was not successful, so we progressed to long term, then permanent orders.”
For Bec, the best part of the journey is watching him develop and experiencing things through his eyes.
“I feel so grateful I get to raise him and be his mummy. Additionally, it has been the positive relationships I’ve developed with members of his birth family. I’m proud of these relationships and consider them my family too. I hope these connections will only strengthen his sense of identity as he gets older.”
Another benefit has been her friendship with Amelia with the pair meeting through a foster training program run by ACT Together.
“I think because we were both single carers and the same age, we had instant common ground. While our fostering experiences have been very different it’s great to have a friend going through similar situations. I can ring Amelia when navigating something or after a tricky day—there’s no judgement, she just gets it.”
“She has been there from the first day of my fostering journey and a constant person in my son’s life. I’ve turned to Amelia for advice countless times because she knows where I’m coming from. She understands what it’s like raising children who’ve experienced trauma. I never have to explain anything or justify why doing things a certain way.”
For Bec, the best part of the journey is watching her foster child develop and experiencing things through his eyes.
Amelia’s journey has been more of a rollercoaster ride than Bec’s, including caring for a newborn until they were 10 months old before they were restored back to their family.
“While I supported the decision to restore them to their family it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I thought if I could survive that, I could survive anything. It was not only hard on me but my family too, who had also bonded with them. It’s also one of the things I’m most proud about myself.”
The second child Amelia cared for was six months old and after a few months they too were restored to their extended family.
Now Amelia is caring for two gorgeous siblings who she adores and who are in her long-term care.
The best part of Amelia’s journey has been experiencing “walking alongside families who are at their most vulnerable and building that trust and respect for each other over time. When the children I care for now meet with their mother, and I share stories about the kids’ achievements or antics, we share the joy or joke, which feels like we are in this together. It’s unique and you don’t always reach that point and it doesn’t always last but when you do, it feels good.”
She adds that the children who are in her care bring such joy to her life.
While her fostering experience has been different to Bec’s, the friendship has been invaluable in enabling her to work through issues and options in the best interest of the children she has loved.
“There is a lot of advocacy you do as a carer on behalf of the children (not dissimilar to biological parents!) and it helps me to go to Bec to brainstorm ideas about the best approach. I also just enjoy her company, and the kids are similar ages, so we do kids’ birthday parties and outings. As the kids get older, I hope it will bring comfort, knowing there are other children with similar backgrounds and they are not alone.”
The best part of Amelia’s journey has been experiencing “walking alongside families who are at their most vulnerable and building that trust and respect for each other over time.
ACT Together does a great deal to support foster carers and foster care applicants throughout their journey. They provide a number of opportunities to be involved in ACT Together activities, including encouraging each training group to exchange details so they can maintain contact through their fostering journeys. Coffee groups are also regularly held to ensure that there are more formal catch-up groups for facilitated discussions.
There are also numerous opportunities to undertake training in various topics, all of which will assist foster carers understand and work with the children in their care.
There are currently over 800 children in out-of-home care with a significant number of these children in crisis or short-term placement, requiring concurrent or long-term placements.
Tamara Russell, Program Manager, Carer Recruitment, Assessment and Training, said there were a few misconceptions about foster carers, including that there are age restrictions.
“The truth is, people from 21 can provide care and we have incredible carers in their 80s still providing care. We are very happy to hear from people who work full-time as there may be a child who attends full-time school, or only needs occasional weekend respite that could be a perfect match! People also still believe that only coupled people can care—not true. Sometimes single people are exactly what our little people need!”
She also noted that there was a myth that foster carers are heroes.
“It’s not necessarily the case. Whilst ACT Together feel our carers are incredible, they are not an exclusive group of people with super-human skills. They are people who have love, patience and varying periods of time available to care for children.”
ACT Together is hosting a webinar for people considering Foster Care after watching their information session which will feature a range of foster carers and staff to answer questions.
It will take place on Tuesday 13 September at 6pm.
To register please use this link. You will receive a confirmation email from Zoom, providing login details and how to attend the webinar.
To explore the journey of foster care or find out if it might be suitable for you, please call 1300 WE FOSTER (1300 93 367831) or enquire through ACT Together on acttogether.org.au.
