When is a close family relationship unhealthy?
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It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship – but what happens when it gets unhealthy?
Having a close, loving family is something many people dream of, but sometimes you can have too much of a good thing. If you’re having trouble untangling your identities and establishing clear boundaries – especially during family legal disputes – you might be experiencing ‘enmeshment’.
A complex psychological dynamic that describes a pattern where emotional boundaries between a parent and a child become blurred or non-existent, Ana Anzani of Nicholls Anzani Family Lawyers says that enmeshment is something people need to be aware of because it can significantly and negatively impact family law proceedings.
And while you might not currently be in or planning to undertake a custody battle or divorce proceeding, it’s important to understand what it is.
How is enmeshment different from just being a close family or having a strong parent-child bond?
“It is very different in that it’s an extreme form of it – this can lead to it being an unhealthy dynamic,” explains Ana.
“Think of it as an unhealthy bond between the child and parent, it is a corruption of the normal child / parent role where the child becomes the parent’s ally or caregiver.”
Characterised by blurred boundaries and an overdependence on each other for emotional support and identity, enmeshment can have significant mental health impacts – including affecting a child’s emotional development – and can also lead to co-dependency issues, anxiety and depression, difficulty with conflict resolution, difficulty forming and maintaining relationships, and challenges in decision-making and self-care due to lack of personal boundaries.
Because enmeshment significantly impacts the outcomes of cases and the wellbeing of all parties in family law matters, Ana says that understanding this complex dynamic and having legal representation to protect you and your children’s wellbeing is crucial.
“Enmeshment is different from alienation,” she explains.
“Where alienation involves one parent manipulating a child to reject the other parent, enmeshment refers to a relationship dynamic where boundaries are unclear and roles are overly intertwined, leading to excessive emotional dependency.”
How would I know if enmeshment is happening in my situation?
Ana suggests that you ask yourself questions such as:
- Does my child have their own autonomy?
- Is there a healthy separation between my child and me or their other parent?
- Does my child have a strong sense of self?
- Can my child function well alone?
- Does my child have a healthy level of independence within their relationship with me or the other parent?
- Am I or the other parent relying on my child for support through my separation?
If you answered ‘yes’ to some of these, it might be time to think about establishing clear boundaries, promoting independence and seeking professional guidance.
“Seeking therapeutic guidance is equally if not more important,” says Ana.
Visit nichollsanzani.com.au or call (02) 7259 4130 for more information.
