‘Cool mums’ on the invisibility of motherhood
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I had a ‘cool mum’ growing up. You know—the one with the big earrings, the gold bangles and all the style in the world?
It wasn’t just me who thought so, friends in primary school would whisper “I wish I had you mum” with a hint of jealously in their voice. The fact that she drove a cherry red convertible and always smelled like this perfect mix of perfume and Extra chewing gum didn’t hurt either.
I didn’t realise then just how difficult this could be for women, but over coffee with the undeniably cool pop-artist Marét it dawned on me that being a cool mum was a choice.
“I think when women become mothers, they become invisible. It’s no longer acceptable for them to be who they used to be,” says the singer-songwriter.
“There are so many messages coming at us; don’t be too sexy, don’t concentrate too much on your career, don’t step out of your box, don’t spend too much time by yourself, don’t want for things that seem out of reach.”
Marét. Credit: Creswick Collective.
To be honest, when I first met Marét the fact that she may be a mother didn’t enter my mind. Shame on me? Perhaps so.
I soon had a similar experience meeting another creative, Abbey Mackay. Dressed in chic loose legged, high-waisted pants, tight black top, floppy woollen hat with long, and salon-perfect hair, ‘mother’ was not the first word that came to mind.
“I think that there is a lot of pressure and expectation for women to become completely selfless when they enter motherhood. I believe that we can love and care for our children without losing our sense of self,” says Abbey.
“I think that friends have been surprised by the way in which I continue to strive for balance with my ‘mother self’ alongside all of the other aspects of who I am.”
Abbey and her husband Liam run Creswick Collective, a creative powerhouse of photography, videography, music and art, while Marét has just released a hot new track named Greedy feat. Citizen Kay, an EP titled EP02 and string of music videos to match.
While both mums agree that maintaining their creativity and sense of self is an active decision, it’s a crucial one.
“Creativity for me is incredibly important. But I do feel like I need time and space to be able to harness my own creative energy,” says Abbey.
“Being a creative freelancer and a mother, my timetable and life is busy and ever-changing. I benefit from being inspired by the people who I meet, and by the unpredictability of it all, there is so much unknown with being a creative and that keeps me buzzing and busy.”
For Marét, her mother-self is an important element in her creative arsenal. It is part of her—but the pop-persona Marét is also an entity in and of itself.
“It’s strange being an ’emerging’ artist after decades in the arts and entertainment industry,” says Marét. “I’ve lived part of a life and I want to share that in my music and art… I feel that in a sense Marét is an archetype; a warrior, creator angel and mother—and that’s what I want my music to convey.”
It’s interesting to reflect on the impact these decisions have on the next generation. Me, as my ever-curious self, had to ask these two women what they hoped for their children.
“As a mother of a daughter, I want more than anything to keep blazing trails for the ones who are coming after us, as so many have done before us,” says Marét.
“I want to show her how to be all the parts of herself with authenticity and love and courage. I want her to see all the possibilities of her great, glorious life.”
Marét.
In a similar vein, Abbey is acutely aware of the importance of raising a good guy, and feels lucky in her role of helping make this happen.
“Raising a son in today’s climate is a delicate and thoughtful experience. I am always encouraging of his gentle spirit and feel grateful that I am in a position to help him discover himself through love and kindness.”
While both women agree that it is a conscious choice to stay true to their pre-baby personalities, they don’t feel along in that endeavour.
“[It’s such a] joy to see the emergence of mother’s living full, authentic lives. The more I see, the more I feel I have permission to do the same and that is my hope for my music. That it gives people permission to truly be themselves,” says Marét.
“As mothers, we might not always connect with who we were before we started this busy and wild journey but this can also be a time for finding our new selves,” says Abbey.
“It is important to do little things just for ourselves, whether it be a walk, going to a movie, getting a massage or even masturbating! I find that connecting with myself first clears out blocked energy and makes space for me to move forward and work on bigger projects.”
Sounds like good advice to me.
