Diary of an IVF baby: Part Two

Posted on 8 March, 2019

The journal you’re about to read was scratched and scribbled down on the road to our second baby, our darling Eugenie.

It was a coping mechanism for me—especially in the down times—with the hope that one day I might sit down, just like I am now to transcribe my words, and hope that my story might help some of the other amazing, strong, lady warriors out there as they ride the unpredictable train that is their IVF journey.

CONTENT WARNING: This series contains themes that some readers may find distressing.

READ PART ONE HERE

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13 June 2016

I’ve had the surgery. It was…not as bad as I thought it was going to be. All of the nurses and the anesthesiologist were very kind and babied me through the whole thing.

32 eggs later I woke up with a drip in my arm feeling like I could sleep for another 48 hours. Apparently because I had so many eggs taken out, I am going to feel very sick, so they have ruled out a fresh transfer and are going to ‘freeze all’. I guess it’s not something I can argue in that the effect of hyperstimulating is very scary but also frustrating because a) I feel fine right now and b) any embryos that aren’t good enough to test and freeze get a ‘fresh transfer’ usually. But because I’m too overstimulated and can’t do a fresh one all of those potentials get flushed.

Considering the effort and expense it just seems like a terrible waste. Cross your fingers a few of those eggs get fertilised. I hate this game—a roll of the dice and we could get zero…

14 June 2016

Went to work until 2 pm today. Didn’t feel too sick, just bloated and gross so made my excuses and left. Ugh. Felt more and more bloated as evening wore on. Super irritable also. May have told husband to stop breathing too loud. Clinic called and we have 23 fertilised eggs. Fingers crossed some are freezable.

16 June 2016

Went to work yesterday. I’m taking a new little pill called Dostinex and I just don’t care for it. Its designed to crash all of my hormone levels so that the many little follicles that have been sucked dry during the surgery don’t keep pumping hormones into my system to reach toxic levels. I don’t care for it.

As well as making my system crash it’s making me crash too. Very fainty and gross today. Spent the entire day on the couch feeling like a total waste of space. Also, not too sure if I have ever been this constipated. Ever. So gross. So bloated. This is awful.

17 June 2016

Blood test. Estrogen has dropped to 13000 from 32000. Waiting for advice on whether any lil’ rascals are ok to freeze. So much waiting. Waiting.

18 June 2016

Phone call. None ok for freezing at the moment. All of this could have been for nought. Scared and demoralised.

19 June 2016

Ten embryos are ok to freeze! Hurrah! Waiting game begins again. Four to six weeks for PGD results (Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis where a teeny tiny amount of genetic material is taken out from the already microscopic embryo and tested for genetic disorders, reducing the possibility of miscarriage on genetic grounds later on).

22 June 2016

Period from hell begins. Super heavy. Super gross. Still totally bloated. Like one of those poor cows in a paddock after its died. Full of gas and gross.

30 June 2016

Went to an appointment with the IVF specialist to get a head start on the frozen round. She was surprised I was so well after the surgery. If I look well, I’d like to see their definition of unwell. Bleeding stopped. The specialist said we could just do a medicated cycle next (no needles!). Just estrogen tablets and progesterone pessaries. Waiting for PGD results.

12 July 2016

PGD results are in. Six out of the 10 embryos came back with good results!! Two are no-go (one with too many chromosomes, one with not enough) and the last two need to be re-tested. Pretty amazed and happy. Surely one of them has to work?

19 July 2016

Retesting of the two extras showed that they are also ok! Now all good to go, just waiting for an IVF nurse appointment on 2 August to start. I called the IVF clinic and they said that because I had a recent period, I didn’t need to start the Primolut tablets (induces a period to clear everything out) but I could start taking the estrogen as soon as the cycle starts. Somehow this feels like a spectacular shortcut— bring on 2 August!

2 August 2016

More waiting. Had a blood test yesterday—results showed baseline levels of all hormones (and caffeine levels, though not sure they tested that) so here we are at the start of a medicated frozen cycle.

I start estrogen tablets for a week then add progesterone pessaries into the mix. The process will take three weeks. Am going to be on 400mg pessaries (for the uninitiated that is a big one, especially where you are sticking it— and, no, despite what you might think, bigger in this case is absolutely not better). Much bloating and itching in my future.

Blood test on 11 August to see how the uterus lining is looking. Got a discounted cycle for this one given we couldn’t do a fresh transfer with my pick-up surgery—this one will cost just under $2000.

11 August 2016

Blood test and ultrasound. Lining of endometrium is at 6.5mm they usually want 7mm but apparently 6.5mm is ok so we are set for an embryo transfer in 11 days! I start pessaries on the 18th and until then I keep taking 600mg/day of the estrogen. Getting fat. Could be the burger habit I have developed.

19 August 2016

Estrogen tablets continue. Progesterone pessaries started yesterday. Blergh. Waiting for bloating and grossness to begin. Another blood test this morning. Waiting to hear if there is enough progesterone in my system to let them thaw an embryo for Monday!

22 August 2016

Blood test again this morning. Confirmed the result from the other day. Not enough progesterone absorbed into my system. They’ve cancelled the entire round. Can start again on ‘Day 1’ again. Stop all drugs today and wait for period. Sad. Such a waste of my time and waste of money. Waste.

24 August 2016

Day 1. Taking 4 tablets of estrogen per day.

2 September 2016

Blood test and Ultrasound. Thickness of endometrium 7.4mm. Looking good for transfer on 13 September. Start progesterone pessaries on 9 September. Huge dose this time. Should be interesting (please note ‘interesting’ in this case is tetchy, itchy and bloated, really, really bloated.)

12 September 2016

Blood test confirms progesterone still low (22) but apparently enough to proceed. I’m taking two 400mg pessaries in the morning, two 100mg endometrin tablets at lunchtime (that are used like pessaries because they are the size of horse tranquillisers) and two 400mg pessaries at night.

Despite this, still low progesterone! They will start me on a ‘troche’ from tomorrow apparently—oral progesterone that is crazy expensive and increases progesterone levels across your whole body not just in your lady parts so it can give a false positive of high progesterone when really it’s not that high in the uterus.

13 September 2016

Transfer complete! Fingers crossed it takes and I get pregnant! Taking progesterone pessaries, tablets and troches. Blood test on Friday to see if levels of progesterone get any better. Fingers crossed. Also, the IVF Doctor suggested I take the night pessaries rectally! SO GROSS and results in emergency evacuation proceedings 30 mins later. This is the worst. Also taking three tablets of Ethinyl Estradiol (little yellow tablets) each night. So many meds.

16 September 2016

Blood test showed a huge rise in progesterone levels! So exciting! One hurdle at a time but it’s lovely to just clear one for once. Level was 52 and it needed to be over 30. Hurrah. Next blood Test is on 24th September (Saturday) at 7.30 am to get an actual pregnancy test done. Seems like such a long wait.

17 September 2016

I’m an idiot. We have run out of estrogen tablets (Ethinyl Estradiol). It’s a seemingly bottomless bottle of 100 tiny little yellow tablets. It ran out and I didn’t realise until tonight. Saturday night. That of course means that everything is shut. The drugs that I need are only stocked at one pharmacy in town and it is, of course, shut on a Sunday. Feeling very stupid and flat and sad. I caused this one. Going to spend tomorrow going from pharmacy to pharmacy to see if we can find any. IVF nurses didn’t have much advice when I called them. One called me silly and said I ‘should be ok’ if I missed a day…not confident. Frustrated. Angry. Sad.

18 September 2016

Must remember to always be kind. Pharmacist at the specialist pharmacy opened on their day off to fill my prescription. Cannot thank them enough or express the relief.

On the search I asked at our local pharmacy if they stocked the drugs and while they didn’t have the little yellow tablets, they did have the mobile number for the main pharmacist at the specialist chemist. I cannot believe how kind they all were. Not one asked ‘why didn’t you organise this yesterday?’, which would have been totally fair, and they all wished us well on our IVF journey. There is good in this world.

23 September 2016

It didn’t work. Crushed. Progesterone levels were good (after two 400mg pessaries each morning AND each night AND Endometrin at lunch it would have had to be).

Was just walking and felt like I had wet myself. Blood everywhere.

3 October 2016

Period still going. This is awful. Can start another round on 20 October 2016…feel like I need to latch on to the next cycle to have something to look forward to.

20 October 2016

Jabs commenced for a medicated cycle. 25 units of Gonal F (Follicle stimulating hormone – FSH) each night and blood test on 25 October.

25 October 2016

Dose of 25 too low. Estrogen only at 50 and it needs to be over 1000! Upped dose to 75 units with test on Friday 28th to see what’s going on. Basically, just jabbing myself every day for a week for no reason.

28 October 2016

Dose doesn’t seem to be making much difference. Estrogen at 150. Have to stay at a dose of 75 then blood test Monday 31 October. Sigh.

Fed up with jabs and blood tests and waiting. Feel supported at home but wonder if this is ever going to work. Thoughts sneak in making me wonder if all of this pain and stress is going to be worth it or will I just be broken at the end?

PART THREE TO FOLLOW NEXT FRIDAY…