Offline: Why younger generations are putting down their phones to find The One
Posted on
The rise of dating apps like Hinge, Tinder and Bumble across the last decade signalled a new way to find love – among other things. But in a post-pandemic world, tech-weary Millennials and pessimistic Gen Zs are looking at offline ways to meet The One. Is online dating in decline?
“See, you have too many mirror selfies on your profile. You need some photos taken by someone else.” It’s 8 pm and I’m at an inner-city bar at a networking event, surrounded by other young professionals. The event’s hosts would probably like us to be talking about our careers and shared interests. Instead, our small table is filled with singles, comparing our online dating profiles. The consensus? Online dating is done.
“This is great,” adds Hany, a 27-year-old entrepreneur reviewing my Hinge profile, pointing to an Instagram Reel I had included.
I feel a rush of validation, not dissimilar to that felt when someone likes your profile. Both are short-lived, replaced by worry about his earlier criticism. One of my fellow female attendees, a sunny public servant, shows me her profile, filled with photos of her at weddings and baby showers. I need more photos like that. She looks over the entrepreneur’s shoulder at my profile.
“Your profile is so much funnier than mine,” she moans. “Mine is boring.”
Welcome to the world of app dating – the sport where your net can be as wide as you like, the chase is exhausting and your competitors all but invisible. It’s no wonder that many singles are choosing to put down the phone when looking for love.
While online dating apps such as Hinge, Tinder and Bumble are nothing new (founded in 2010, 2011 and 2014 respectively), ‘getting on the apps’ rose to prominence in 2020 when the pandemic meant that meeting a prospective partner was confined to your phone. According to The Economist, dating apps enjoyed 150 million active users in 2021. However, three years later, the data tells another story, with users plunging to 130 million in 2024. So where is everyone going?
In a long-term relationship for most of her twenties, 34-year-old public servant Phoenix* only heard bad things from her single Millennial friends about dating apps. But that didn’t stop her from exploring them when her relationship ended in her early thirties.
“I thought, okay well, I might look through the apps and see what the deal is,” she says.
“I didn’t really go into it looking for a relationship…I wanted to have a nice date, a funny story and meet some cool people.”
Because of this relaxed approach, Phoenix says she wasn’t disappointed by people she met on apps – in fact, they were a far cry from the horror stories her friends had told her. But as for the prospect of meeting a serious partner on there?
“If I was looking at it from the lens of wanting to find someone, it was pretty trash,” she admits. “I think one of the biggest issues I had was the communication – there’s a huge disconnect between how someone will communicate [online] and how they’ll come across in person.”
Some matches wouldn’t stop messaging her while others held great conversations online only for dates to be “like pulling teeth”.
“They wouldn’t ask a single question,” says Phoenix. Then there was the worry about how potential suitors might handle rejection.
“You can just be like, ‘I don’t want to see you’, of course, but there’s a bit of a safety risk sometimes for women, I guess. Like, how do I tell this guy no if I’m not sure how he’s going to take it?”
Phoenix ended up only spending a few months ‘on the apps’ before meeting someone through work. As for why she feels so much more comfortable dating him, Phoenix is pensive.
“I’ve tried to delve into that… Am I more comfortable with him because there is a history there or is it that we are just more compatible humans than the other people that I’ve met? I didn’t find that level of connection on the apps.”
As for why Gen Zs, having only entered the dating pool recently, are already sick of dating apps – with a Forbes Health Survey claiming that 79% of Gen Z report ‘dating app burnout’ – I turned to my trusted source, Hany.
On the subject of Gen Z’s use of dating apps, he is blunt.
“I use dating apps for a dopamine hit,” he says. “I think [users] are looking to connect with people, but the conversations I’ve had on there are either really shallow or have an ulterior motive which is some sort of sexual experience. Some people are searching for something more…but it’s not the right place.”
“Seeing someone out and asking them out on the spot has so much more power and more meaning. It’s almost like an old trade that’s been lost – a lot of men don’t have that anymore.”
Despite Gen Z being the most digitally native members of the dating pool, Hany says having access to someone’s digital “resume” isn’t actually helpful.
“I like taking a mobile member instead of focusing on the social media side…there’s also that mysterious and exciting element that I think you don’t really get online.”
So are Gen Z rejecting dating apps completely?
“I don’t think so,” he says. “I feel like Instagram is a little bit more dating app than an actual dating app…so they aren’t as needed anymore. I think it’s more socially acceptable to follow random people and try and talk to them. You can see a bit more of the real world them, whereas a Tinder profile is kind of manufactured.”
However, Hany does admit dating apps can come in handy for specific uses.
“When I was overseas, I actually really enjoyed using the apps, because it was a really nice way to meet somebody in a completely different city when you don’t know anybody.”
However, in his hometown, Hany doesn’t see himself using apps when he could just make the effort to go out. His advice to others looking to deprioritise app dating?
“My advice would be: don’t be afraid to put yourself in a situation where you have to make friends.”
“I think if you’re confident and you’re bringing a good energy, you’re always going to attract what you put out there.”
*Name has been changed
