Just Ask Loulou: Neck Tatts and Child-Rearing

Posted on 10 October, 2019

She is the zanier (and more sweary) side of Canberra floral royalty Moxom and Whitney, but did you know that Loulou Moxom gives good advice?

This week Loulou brings you some sage advice on tatts through to toddlers. And if you have any questions that only Loulou can help you with, just submit them (anonymously) via the link below.

Q: I love your style, most of all your tattoos. I am thinking of getting one on my neck but am afraid of what people might say.

I want it to be quite girly with a pop of colour. Should I, or not? What would you recommend for the design?

A: Thank you very kindly for the compliment. Compliments are high up on my Everyday Stuff That is Groovy List so massive ups to you Doll!

Now about that tatt. I’m going to assume you are currently a cleanskin—no ink on board, sans tattoos? If this is the case, please think VERY long and hard before committing to a neck tattoo…then repeat that thinking process at least eleventy times. Probably do that for a few years actually.

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A neck tattoo is a BIG statement, hard to hide, unfortunately still a deal-breaker for many jobs and super painful. On top of that, you are going to be really hard-pressed finding an artist willing to tattoo your neck. Most studios refuse face, neck and hands for first-timers.

And then there is the day-to-day. People will stare at your ink and you. A lot. You will often feel judged. You most certainly will be judged. And as kick-ass as you are, it can get to you on those ‘blah’ days. Strangers will comment. Sometimes even to your face.

As for the design (if we are now hell-bent on breaking our tattoo cherry)? That really is your decision only. Really think about your design, what it means to you and, most importantly, if it suits you. If you’re a vegan, bee-keeper interested in permaculture and tiny-house-living, are you really going to get a big-boobied gothic anime squirrel in latex kinda thing? Unless that IS your jam and in that case, you do you, Pet!

If you’re going with words—SPELLCHECK. You don’t want any “ragrets”… symbols/languages—get them verified. By experts. A couple of times. And don’t forget to think about how it will age over time… Lines blur, colours change, details fade and ink can simply fall out.

You are committing to this so you have to love it every time you see it. I really only started with my love of ink in my late thirties and I’ve already had a number of cover-ups.

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Tattoos are personal, they are you and your story so far, etched literally into your skin.

TOP TATT TIPS FOR YOUNG PLAYERS

• Draw your design on your neck with a permanent marker to test the waters
• Give yourself another 12 months (I said this to my two kids when, at 16, they were convinced tribal and tramp stamps were “sick as” ). If you still want it after that, book that appointment.

Q: You seem to have a really lovely relationship with your kids and grandkid.

What is your secret to getting along with your kids, from when they were little to when they are grown up?

A: What is it about compliments regarding your children or your parenting that makes your heart literally burst with pride, joy, love and a touch of smugness? It’s the ultimate compliment (other than being told your love handles are your sexiest bit but that’s for another time).

I’d give my right boob to have the secret to parenting but for me—truth be told—I feel like I literally bumbled through parenthood. I made way more mistakes than successes and often it was my children who seemed more adult and better-equipped at handling the sh*t than I was.

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I had two children under two-years-old by the time I was 22. During this time I became a single parent. I dated the wrong men, got married a couple of times. I am no poster child for good parenting let me tell you! Hand on heart I cringe sometimes when I think back to those years.

My children are amazing adults because they made themselves that way. We all grew up together, we all learnt lessons together. Because of our past, we are all very real with each other and fiercely protective.

I cherish the time I have with my babies. We are family but also great mates. I am amazed they turned out to be so awesome considering the life they lived with me! If I didn’t have the village I surround myself with I don’t think I’d be sitting here today and they certainly wouldn’t be as perfect as they are!

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So because I’d feel like a bit of a fraud telling you secrets that I don’t really have, I turned to members of my village whose parenting skills are literally the sound of pink, the colour of magic and the smell of love and wisdom. These women have been custodians, comfort and counsel to my babies when I wasn’t the voice they needed.

My mother-in-law Christie (mum to my beautiful husband Jason who succumbed to cancer in 2011) is the most patient, kind, clever and fun human in existence. Her advice is thoughtful and peppered with magic. And then there is my Little Lulu. My soul sister, mother to four incredible humans. She’s had a past as colourful as mine and is the voice of reason my two children lean on. I thank Buddha for her every day.

TOP TIPS FOR RAISING KEWL KIDS AND NOT ARSEHATS

• Unconditional love, patience and sense of humour.
• Be forgiving of mistakes—like, get over it already.
• Say ‘no’ and don’t feel guilty.
• Go on random adventures.
• Set firm boundaries so your kids feel safe but not so firm that they can’t tell you when they have crossed them.
• Communication.
• Build your village for advice, support, wine.
• Let your kids see your failures, that’s life—we get up, dust ourselves off and keep going.

I love that as I read these handy hints I can see I DID parent my children okay and I’m sighing with relief. We lived by these rules and I can safely say they work so I’m going to stop being so hard on myself and accept your beautiful compliment with open arms.

Thank you Queen, I learnt something about myself today and I’ve got you to thank for leading me to it.

“Its our job to be the safest place in the world for our children but our babies need to know that the world out there is also a safe place—it just needs them to be their truest selves.” Lucinda Barter, Legend.

WANT TO ASK LOULOU A QUESTION?

Feature image: Tim Bean Photography for HerCanberra Magazine