Building connection on a lonely planet

Posted on 27 August, 2018

Feeling lonely is integral to the human experience.

We can all feel lonely, whether in an empty room or in a crowd. But despite being places that bring people together, cities are also places that heighten our sense of loneliness.

In just 14 words, poet Ezra Pound, in his magnificent In the Station at the Metro, captures that sense of isolation felt city dwellers on encountering a sea of anonymous faces: “Petals on a long, black bough.” Anyone travelling on London’s Tube at peak hour, looking at the hundreds of other humans in the carriage captivated by their small screens, understands that experience.

Technology is eliminating many of the incidental daily connections we once took for granted. We no longer chat to the teller while she processes a cheque or to the checkout operator while he scans the groceries. We swipe a barcode rather than speak to ground staff at the airport. We insert a credit card rather than hand over our coins at the exit to the carpark. Even chatting to the shop assistant while trying on clothes is no longer necessary when we can buy fast fashion online.

There are many other influencing factors in urban loneliness, including the rise of single person homes, teleworking and transient populations. But is there any surprise, then, that a tsunami of research suggests we are getting lonelier in our hyperconnected world?

The Australian Red Cross Loneliness Survey, released late last year, found nearly one in four Australians are lost in loneliness. And Lifeline says the feeling of loneliness is increasing.

In the UK, a large-scale survey last year found 14 per cent of Brits – nine million people – feel isolated. And the more vulnerable you are, the more likely you are to feel lonely. More than half of all UK citizens living with disability report feelings of loneliness at least once a day, while a third of elderly people felt overwhelmed by loneliness. This apparently costs UK employers up to $5 billion a year, which perhaps explains why the UK Government was the first in the world to appoint a Minister for Loneliness in January.

Nearly half of all Americans feel lonely. A recent survey from health insurance provider Cigna found Gen Zers – those currently between 18 and 22 years old – are the loneliest generation of all. At the other end of the spectrum, lonely deaths among the elderly has its own special name in Japanese: Kodokushi

Loneliness, of course, is distinct from the state of solitude. As Balzac said: “Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine”. But as the world urbanises, most of us live in cities. Are we creating a lonely planet?

Experts have warned that social isolation could be worse for a person’s health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In one study published in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science in 2015, the University of NSW’s Brock Bastian found that loneliness was “consistently linked to low self-esteem, reduced life satisfaction, anxiety and depression.”

The study also found chronic feelings of loneliness were linked to higher risk for cardiovascular disease, sleep problems, poorer immune responses, and even increased risk of suicide. “In fact, higher levels of loneliness have been found to increase chances of mortality by as much as 50 per cent.”

But social isolation can be relieved by creating places and programs that cultivate human relationships. This is why the idea of the ‘third space’ is gaining traction in urban planning circles. Coined by urban sociologist Ray Oldenburg in 1989, the third space is not the home or the workplace. It is the space in between – the community garden or the café, the swimming pool or the dog park, the lake walk or farmers’ market.

As human beings, we instinctively understand how to create places for people. A look back at the village squares and city plazas of the past, of the agoras and forums, shows us the way forward. Places where people can come and go freely – where anyone can watch the world go by and feel a part – not apart – of the city.

Green space is good, but it can be lonely to walk a dog around a vast, empty oval. We also need walkable neighbourhoods that encourage incidental interactions.

Our urban planners and policy makers have their work cut out stemming the tide of loneliness. For the rest of us, there is a simple solution. A friendly word of hello to strangers on the street. An empathetic smile at the check-out counter. A chat with the next-door neighbour. That may be our best way to build a city that banishes loneliness.