In your 20s and questioning all your life choices? We asked seven people in seven different decades for their advice
Posted on
Being in your 20s is much like being a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time – stumbling, fumbling, and with luck, you stand tall for a brief moment, only for the cycle to start over.
Tell me I’m wrong!
And if you’re anything like me, I try my best to soften the harsh blows life throws at us by scrolling through TikTok or Instagram and doing two things:
- Reading up on all those sappy motivational quotes.
- Watching interviews featuring the elderly or random people on the street about what advice they would tell their younger selves.
To be completely transparent, I’ve experienced great highs and lows throughout the first half of my 20s, and often I find myself more surprised when things do go to plan, than when it doesn’t. And so, I ask myself, “Am I doing this right?” and “Am I making the right decision?” regularly and STILL end up feeling infinitely lost.
But then it hit me. Instead of scouring for answers online, there are so many people around me who have gone through this exact period of life, that have both the hindsight and the wisdom that I currently lack.
So, I sought to take matters into my own hands for the greater good of the 20-somethings out there, who are in a similar boat to me. I asked seven people in seven different decades of life, three distinct questions that would ideally lead to useful pieces of advice, and I’m proud to say, that’s what I got.
And of course, I won’t gatekeep the answers. In fact, I’m laying them all out on the table for you, so take it or leave it…but I suggest you take it!
What is the most valuable life lesson you learnt in your 20s?
Dion Pretorius, Strategy Director at Supercurious (30s)
I learned that life needs to be more than work. In my early twenties I was so eager to change the world, excel in my professional life, and pursue conventional success once I’d gotten through uni. If it wasn’t for meeting my (now) husband, who is very much focused on experiencing life to its fullest and working to live, I don’t think I would have learned that as soon as I did.
Once I did though, I was able to bring so much more value to my professional life and (I think) achieve more impact.
Lee Vu, Founder of Femmbox (40s)
Be kind, honest and give without expecting anything in return. It will always come back to you in unexpected ways. Don’t feel like you have to do everything by yourself. Build a community around you.
Amanda Whitley, Founder & Director of HerCanberra (50s)
Listen to your gut. If something feels right, chances are that it will be (although that’s not to say it will be easy.) If it feels wrong, it will almost certainly turn pear-shaped. In my 20s, that was proven many times over in everything from work to relationships.
Oanh Ha, My Mother (60s)
To trust yourself, rely on yourself, and be true to yourself. Try not to be bound by other’s expectations, ill will, and different beliefs and opinions, because you may be the only person that you can lean on during some of the toughest times.
Author’s note: My mum is the eldest child in the family and was the first in her family to successfully escape communist Vietnam in the early 80s to secure a better life for herself and her brothers and sisters. So, at 21, she was able to leave the shores of her home country with her youngest brother and never looked back. She did, however, manage to sponsor all seven of her remaining siblings and parents so that they could reside in Australia, all within less than ten years.
Jan Mackinnon, Retiree (70s)
Giving is much more productive than receiving. That is what attracted me to religious life, how I experienced the nuns at school, and the way they gave their life to a profession where there was no gain. You didn’t earn any money or brownie points, so it was a very selfless kind of life where we owned nothing, and we took those vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, and if the superiors wanted you to go and teach in the Solomon Islands, then that’s what you did. I gained a lot of pleasure, enjoyment, and reward by giving.It wasn’t what I got out of things, but it felt good to think that I could improve someone else’s life.
Author’s note: From the age of 18, Jan chose to live as a nun at a Dominican convent and was in the congregation for 16 years. She left the convent in her mid-thirties, met her husband, John, a former priest, and have been married ever since, (for 44 years to be exact!).
Doan Phung Kinh, My Grandma (80s) and Cau Ha, My Grandpa (90s)
Education and hard work equate to stability and a comfortable life. Thus, striving to learn in your 20s is of the utmost importance.
Author’s note: My grandparents grew up in Vietnam in the 1930s and remained there until 1991. They lived a life in poverty, and often only ate one bowl of rice and a single salted duck egg for dinner each night. All they could wish for from an early age was to earn enough money to live a comfortable life where they wouldn’t have to be concerned about whether they could eat a decent meal each day or not.
If you could go back in time and live out your 20s again, would you do anything differently?
Dion Pretorius
I really wouldn’t – and I hope that gives people in their twenties comfort. I am very lucky to have a wonderful family and a great group of friends, so that was a really solid base where it was hard to feel like anything in my life was a failure or needed to be different. So maybe that’s it? Build your network and prioritise the great people in your life.
Even though there are things I learned, advice that I wish that I had had, and decisions that in hindsight could have been different, I am so grateful for everything that has led me to my mid-thirties. I also feel like it’s the discomfort in life that makes you better – feel it, understand it, lean in, and grow with it.
Lee Vu
Maybe a few less tequilas and therefore less hangovers, haha! On a serious note, I’d journal and practice gratitude more. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. The ups, the downs, the heartbreaks, the stressful jobs, the promotions, the achievements all shape the person you become. After all, they say diamonds are made under pressure.
Amanda Whitley
So many things. I remember my 20s being a very turbulent time, where I wasn’t really sure who I was or what I wanted. I made some terrible decisions along the way. It was really only in the latter stages of that decade that I began to know myself, and things started to fall into place.
Oanh Ha
I would have gone back to school. I was a frail child who really didn’t enjoy school much, to the point where I would have nightmares about school and homework! So, if I could go back in time, I’d go back and study, have a qualification under my belt, get a job in the corporate world, and dress up in nice clothes to work. If I didn’t have the chance to go back to school or wasn’t cut out for it, I’d open my own bakery and make beautiful, decorative cakes for a living. That’s what I wish I had done differently.
Author’s note: My mum was only able to go to school up until she was 15 and spent most of her teenage years working alongside my grandparents to be able to feed and raise her eight younger siblings. She then felt that she had to go straight into the workforce in Australia during her 20s to ensure her family could come live in Australia comfortably.
Jan Mackinnon
Well, no I wouldn’t. I had an amazing, satisfying life. It was totally different from the lives of my friends that I had been to school with, and I was so engaged in my teaching profession, school, and living in a community. As my husband John put it, I took a path less travelled, and that is why I wouldn’t change a thing.
Doan Phung Kinh and Cau Ha
We would have taken the leap of faith to open our own noodle restaurant in Vietnam, so that we could provide a financially comfortable life for ourselves and our children.
What is the one piece of advice you wish you could have told yourself while navigating your 20s?
Dion Pretorius
Be less afraid to be wrong – your wrongness could lead you to what’s right! It connects with the idea that discomfort is where there is growth.
I held back so much in my early career in fear of being wrong, but at the expense of progress. This was probably in part because I existed in some spaces where being wrong wasn’t welcome, but also because I was so focused on appearing more professional, more capable, and more effective than I thought I was. When you share generously, you also get shared with in equal measure; embrace it! This applies to decisions in my personal life too, worry less about what other people consider the ‘correct option’ and do the work to understand your ‘correct’ and value it as you would anyone else’s input.
Lee Vu
Follow the intuitive nudges. Learn new things and don’t be afraid to start again. Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Trust your gut. Some advice may not land at the time, but the ones that stick with you will resonate when you’re ready to hear the message.
Amanda Whitley
I’m going to steal a quote from author Richard Bach here, because he says it better than I can:
“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.”
Go easy on yourself. Most people in the 20s are out in the world by themselves for the first time – we’re bound to stuff up sometimes. But ultimately, the lessons we learn from that shape us into the person we become.
Oanh Ha
Back when I was in my early 20s, I used to think that finding a life partner was easy, and that if you treated a man well, they would treat you well in return. My advice to my younger self is that the chase is temporary and that a man’s personality during the chase only tells you who they are on a superficial level. Once you move past that stage, you’ll find out more about their true character and what they can or can’t offer you for the rest of your life. Do not see finding a life partner as an easy feat and make slow and wise decisions.
Jan Mackinnon
Find someone in your life who you trust and see as an advocate for yourself and that you see as a mentor. You’ll meet someone in your life, and you’ll say, “Well that’s the kind of person I’d like to be, I hope I’m on the right path to accomplishing that”. So, finding a mentor will set yourself on a path that you know will have a good outcome.
Doan Phung Kinh and Cau Ha
The key to living a life of stability is having an education and trying your very best in all your career endeavours, because you simply reap what you sow.
I know – this was a big one to digest, so maybe take some time to lie down, and possibly have an existential crisis for a week or two. But know that you’ll hit the ground running again, and all this advice is now in your back pocket for you to look back on every step of the way. Your 20s still won’t be necessarily a breeze, but if there’s anything you can take out of this article – there is light at the end of every tunnel.
