Summer Love: Jolene and Flick
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In our Summer Love series, Ginger Gorman explores different kinds of heart-warming Canberra relationships.
When we woke up that morning, we had no way of knowing
That in a matter of hours we’d change the way we were going
Where would I be now, where would I be now if we’d never met?
These are lines from a 1995 Pulp song called Something Changed. And they immediately pop into my head when I’m chatting to 33-year-old Flick and her partner, 41-year-old Jolene.
“I would say I’m in love with Jolene because I’ve never experienced such joy in my life as I do with this person. They make me feel like the most special single person in the world when they look at me.
“Before I met them, I lived not a sad life, but a grey life. They’ve brought me so much joy and colour. But in saying that I’ve never met someone with such joy and love to spread to everyone,” Flick says.
And few moments later, she adds: “It’s never too late to be the person you’re supposed to be and to be with the person you’re supposed to be.” (Jolene uses the pronouns ‘they’ and ‘them’, Flick uses ‘she’ and ‘her.’)
Jolene responds in equal measure: “I’ve never known that love was meant to feel this way. I never knew that love was meant to be supportive and encouraging. I feel appreciated and valued and cared for and all of the positive things.
“I want to be a better person all the time, because Flick gives me the space and the love to heal and find the best parts of myself.”
And with that, all three of us have our eyes welling with tears – the happy kind. The pair sit close to each other on the couch, smiling and laughing. The warmth between them radiates out; I can nearly touch it.
But don’t make the mistake of thinking it was an easy road. When the couple met, Flick was in a heterosexual relationship. She was living with her-then partner and their child – a daughter who we’ll call “Beastie.”
For their part, Jolene was in a bad place. They’d moved from interstate in 2014 to escape a tumultuous, volatile relationship: “I was living in Sydney. I had a big party, a big drug lifestyle. I went to Malta on my 35th birthday and it was a massive sojourn for me. I made some serious decisions about my life.
“When I came back, the universe had everything rolling for me. It led me to Canberra, where I then found burlesque and roller derby, which is what kept me here. And then we kept crossing paths.”
The first time the couple ever spoke was at a Valentine’s show in 2015 put on by the Canberra burlesque collection Sass and Tease. Flick noticed Jolene looked stunning in a grey suit.
“I bailed you up in the doorway, and I was like: ‘Hey, you look really good in that suit.’ And then we went on our way again,” Flick reminds Jolene.
Coincidentally, that was also the night Jolene was inspired to try burlesque—which they went on to do (and now perform regularly). Flick happened to be at Jolene’s first-ever performance later that same year.
“I definitely remember seeing them and being amazed by them again. Their voice, the way that they looked, they were just stunning. It was one of those moments where I thought: ‘I need to know this person.’”
At this point in our conversation, Jolene is staring wide-eyed at Flick and laughing: “I didn’t know those things before! When I hear those things that remind just how much she does love me, it still really touches my heart.”
After that second meeting, Jolene and Flick didn’t see each other for another year. They met up again at a mutual friend’s gathering and ended up kissing.
“So, we had a kiss and it was kind of magical. And then I got freaked out because that was really intense. And I wasn’t still in in the best place,” Jolene recalls.
After about six months of dating, things changed. Flick’s former relationship was polyamorous. Jolene moved in with Flick, her male partner and Beastie.
Another six months went by. By the start of 2017, Flick and Jolene found themselves getting closer. But Flick was drifting apart from her male partner.
She found herself crying on a friend’s shoulder one night and saying: “I don’t I don’t see a future with my ex. I don’t see a future with any man. I think I’m gay.”
Flick encapsulates it for me like this: “At 30, I came out and ended one relationship and started another chapter.”
While she acknowledges how hard it was for everyone involved, including her then five-year-old daughter, Flick believes things have turned out for the best. Beastie, now eight, spends a week on week off between Jolene and Flick’s house and her father’s house.
“We’re very close now,” Jolene says of Beastie, “She’s an amazing human.”
Jolene and Flick got married on November 23, 2019 in Glebe Park in the city centre with all their friends and family around them. The celebrations afterwards at Smith’s Alternative included everything from burlesque to poetry, singing and dancing.
“It was a day full of love. Everything fell into place beautifully. Like it was just a f****** queer fairy tale,” Jolene says with a laugh.
Feature image: Empress Eyrie
