Survivor Brenda, finding her voice to speak out against sexual violence at 75

Posted on 5 May, 2025

Trigger warning: This story discusses sexual assault and rape.

At 75 years of age, Brenda Colbourne is an unlikely convert to tattoos. Yet this Canberra retiree now proudly sports several of them.

Survivor is emblazoned across one forearm – testament to her surviving multiple sexual assaults from the age of 14 through to a rape with injuries at age 25. The former enrolled and registered nurse has “I Have a Voice” on her right hand, and “I Will be Heard” on her left.

This year, to mark International Women’s Day, Brenda became the face of News Corp’s Justice Shouldn’t Hurt/Take the Stand campaign.

Brenda was featured nationally in a story by award winning journalist Nina Funnell – a Walkley-award-winning journalist and sexual assault survivor who helped former Australian of the Year Grace Tame change legislation in Tasmania around gag orders in sexual assault cases and now campaigns nationally for survivors.

While other women of Brenda’s age are stepping quietly into retirement, Brenda is determined to be heard.

She wants to educate the general public on the impacts of sexual assault and how someone’s immediate response to disclosure can have a major psychological impact on the person disclosing.  She believes secondary rape/victimisation happens far too often in society.

Brenda also wants to shed light on the alarming levels of medical misogyny and to train medical and nursing students about the impact their care has on women and men who may have experienced sexual assault, particularly when women give birth, or undergo gynecological surgery. Brenda herself has been retraumatised by the medical profession in her later years with disastrous psychological effects.

Like many women her age, Brenda grew up at a time when girls and women were socialised to stay quiet when they were the subject of sexual harassment or assault. From her earliest experiences on the school bus in the 1960s, where the driver attempted to instigate sex with her, her mother dismissed the incident. A few years later when another passenger assaulted her, her mother’s response was “You can’t blame him, his wife is pregnant”.  It was brushed off as something that was normal and she would just have to get used to it.

Later, when she joined the military at age 18, Brenda was indecently assaulted and threatened sexually on several occasions.

“Again, I was able to block it out and continue on with things, after all, that is what I had been doing all my life.”

While she became adept at physically keeping men at bay, a brutal rape at age 25 left both physical and psychological injuries on Brenda. She never spoke of it or received counselling. Eventually, Brenda did move on with her life, retraining as a nurse, working in the mental health field.

In her 60s, Brenda’s psychological rape injuries resurfaced in the medical realm when she sought treatment for pelvic organ prolapse and had pelvic mesh implanted.  Believing it would be safe to disclose, Brenda had prepared herself for the psychological impact of speaking to her medical care team. But two successive female doctors failed to support or empathise with Brenda when she did so – one largely ignoring the impact of the rape and the other suggesting it explained why Brenda didn’t have an active sex life. The interactions impacted deeply on Brenda and she felt her pain and trauma had been minimised, and she was to blame. She was no longer able to block to survive and was left suicidal on and off for eight long years.

Then, the pelvic mesh failed.

Brenda again battled medical misogyny as she tried to explain how terrifying she found the prospect of having vaginal surgery for her failed mesh. In her mind, Brenda perceived vaginal surgery as being violated yet again. She was belittled and largely ignored by several doctors until she finally found one who truly listened and agreed to remove the mesh via robot through an incision in her lower belly. The doctor ended up thanking Brenda for her “bravery, honesty, and courage” and was able to assist another survivor as a result.

Brenda reached a turning point at the 2021 March 4 Justice at Parliament House as part of the #MeToo Movement. She wore a backpack that had the sign “Survivor” on it, and in the midst of thousands of marchers, young and old, Brenda found she was not alone.

“It was a very important day for me, and I suspect for many other women young and old because suddenly the shame we had all felt at speaking out disappeared and we knew we were not alone.”

Now Brenda invites conversation about her experience and hopes one day to use her personal story to educate the medical profession on the need to respect patients’ sexual assault history.

“My tattoos are a great way to open up the conversation. When I am out and about, people come up to me and ask me what they are for. I am open and tell them. The more I speak about it, the easier it becomes.”

“Most people are kind and tell me they are sorry I have suffered.”

“I think the reaction of people when a sexual assault is disclosed is so important to the survivor. At the very minimum they should expect to be told, ‘I am sorry you have suffered’.”

Brenda feels that while the #MeToo movement has made momentous changes to the way in which we recognise the pervasive issue of sexual assault, there needs to be more understanding of the long-term mental and physical health impacts on survivors, but more specific guidance on how to support them.

“I need the medical profession to understand that for some women and men, the risk of re-traumatisation and secondary rape is huge. Surely they don’t want to cause that sort of harm because of their behaviour or lack of awareness?”

Brenda is hoping to volunteer as a speaker in medical training for young doctors to help them understand the prevalence of sexual assault on prospective patients – both female and male. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 22 per cent of Australian women (2.2 million) and 6.1 per cent of men (336,000) have experienced sexual violence since the age of 15. Up to 90 per cent of those women will never report the assault to police.

Unfortunately, the conversations can still be difficult, and harm can be caused to victims who are already in pain if the disclosure of their mental state is not understood with compassion and care.

“When I was contemplating suicide, I know it would have made a difference to have been heard and validated, particularly by the medical profession. I think we have a long way to go in supporting survivors and helping them navigate their way through. At 75, I have the energy and the experience to make a contribution to helping make this happen.”

“I understand this may be something that is considered challenging, but I would like to believe that in today’s enlightened society people are open to the discussion.”