You will (probably) survive motherhood, according to Lauren Dubois

Posted on 15 July, 2019

Lauren Dubois came to Canberra ten years ago as a political correspondent for Channel 10 in the Press Gallery.

But her first book is not about the tantrums, tears and questionable behaviour of our nation’s elected leaders. Instead, she’s written about babies, toddlers, motherhood and the highs and lows of parenthood.

Are you surprised this has become your niche, Lauren?

I am surprised! I was never an overly maternal person so it never occurred to me that I’d become so besotted with the experience of motherhood that I’d want to write about it every day.

But then I had my children and the transformation from Lauren to ‘Mum” absolutely fascinated me, and now I can’t stop bloody talking about it.

Tell us about your rise to non-political-related fame through social media? Why do you think your columns and videos have garnered such a following?

I think I have a knack for shining a light on the completely ordinary, mundane moments of motherhood and making them a little bit entertaining. They’re the moments we all have and often overlook – like a toddler’s determination to move all of the water from inside the bath to outside the bath – but when someone points it out, you think, “oh my god, yes! That happens to me too!” And the realisation that these tiny, seemingly insignificant parts of your day are shared by thousands of other women makes you feel connected and reassured.

Motherhood can be so isolating for our generation – it’s different for us than it was for our mothers and grandmothers. We need a way to feel connected to all the other women out there. And if it’s a little bit funny as well, that’s a bonus

What are the similarities between the adrenaline-soaked 24/7 news cycle and the pressure of television career and having two kids under five?

My bosses are irrational, unreasonable, critical, and make me feel inadequate every single day. So it’s very similar, actually!

And yet, a third is currently gestating, right?

This is true! Despite all the hard parts, I quite like my kids. We are very excited to add another one to the gang.

How did You Will (Probably) Survive come about (and how did you find the time to write it)?

My publisher Claire saw something I’d written, and sent me an email saying she liked my style and wanted to know if I could write a book about parenthood.

It was completely out of the blue and something I never dreamed would happen but, naturally, I jumped at the chance.

I don’t know how I found the time, to be honest. I had three months to submit the first draft and it was tough. Of course, because I’m a journalist, I left everything until right on deadline, so that last week or so was out of control.

My husband took time off work to be at home with the kids and I even broke into my girlfriend’s house while she was away with her family so I could get some writing done without the kids sitting on me asking me what I was doing every five minutes.

It was hectic. I was writing 7,000 words a day, just smashing it out, but I did it!

Who is it for?

It’s for mums. It started out as a more general book about parenthood, but I quickly realised that my passion is motherhood. There are enough books out there about kids and how to raise them.

I felt we needed a book about us – about what it’s really like to be a mum. How we feel, what we experience day-to-day, how it changes us, what drives us, and all the ways we try to cope.

The book focuses on the motherhood experience of the first few years, but really it’s for mums at all stages.

Those first few years, are when you truly become a “mum” – sure, you technically become a mother when someone hands you your child – but the transformation can take a little longer.

In my experience, you need to get through the toddler years before you can say you’re a true, hardened motherhood survivor. Those toddler years truly open your eyes to the sacrifice (and joy!) of motherhood.

So if you’re in those early years, it’ll be a book that will make you weep with recognition, but if you have older kids, it’ll make you laugh like a soldier who’s come home from the front and can look back and say, “shit, that was REAL”.

It really is laugh-out-loud funny. And that shows from the very first page, where you dedicate it to your children (nicknamed Thud and Pop) – “You made me a mum and taught me everything I know and love about motherhood, including how hard it is to write a whole book. With you. All over me. All of the time.” Have you always had this comedic streak?

I think I’ve always been a smart arse and I can find the funny side of most things – even things that most people wouldn’t necessarily laugh at. But I think I’m probably funnier in writing than I am in person!

I started writing online articles about politics back in 2012 and that’s where I discovered that I gravitated towards a sketch style. I’d always been in broadcast journalism – TV and radio – so I’d never been able to flex those comedic muscles, but once I started writing for online, I found it hard to be serious. Politics is just funny. The characters are ridiculous, the machinations of the parties make me laugh. The whole thing is endlessly entertaining in a perverted kind of way. I couldn’t help but make fun of it.

So when I started writing about parenting, it felt natural to keep that style. I do write seriously as well, but a lot of parenting is just as ridiculous as politics (and sometimes you need to laugh or you’ll cry).

Ultimately the book is love-filled. But how did you maintain your positivity on those days when you wanted to list the kids for sale on eBay (they are pretty cute, you could probably make a tidy sum)?

I think those days were often easier because the love in this book is directed towards other mums. And when I’m having a really hard day with the kids, I feel that love for other mums even more because I know they are out there, tearing their hair out, just like me, wondering if anyone else feels the same.

It’s like we are on the same side, allies against these tiny terrorists, trying to prop each other up and push each other forward, slowly, painfully, towards bedtime.

What were the hardest bits to write?

I don’t think I found anything terribly hard to write. This is the stuff I’ve been writing about non-stop for five years now.

I talk about these topics all day long with hundreds, if not thousands of women across the globe. It’s like I’ve done a five-year PhD in motherhood. They say authors should write what they know, and I feel like this book is everything I know.

The hardest part was probably in the editing process. I could have written 20 more chapters but we needed to keep it to a reasonable reading length because mums be BUSY.

You show considerable journalistic balance – particularly when you approach those controversial topics of birth choices and breastfeeding. Are you worried the mummy mafia is going to come down on you for any opinions expressed? Do you care?

I think I’m more worried about certain mums not feeling included in the book. I wasn’t able to delve into topics like surrogacy, adoption and infertility. It was impossible to cover every single aspect of motherhood and that makes me feel uneasy.

I wish I’d been able to include everyone but ultimately, I can’t write what I don’t know and those stories aren’t mine. I didn’t think it would be authentic to write about the experience of an adoptive mother when I don’t know what that’s like.

As for the mummy mafia? Yeah, they’re ever-present. I’m used to them. Look, my book talks about your organs being refugees in your body during pregnancy, it refers to fannies as unidentifiable trauma victims after birth, it compares a day with toddlers to stepping around landmines… If that’s going to offend you, please don’t buy my book.

It’s not a gentle, please-everyone kind of book. It’s edgy, it’s sarcastic, and it’s brutal at times. It’s not for anyone who wants to hear how beautiful and precious motherhood is. It’s not for anyone who spends their days telling everyone how #grateful and #blessed they are. It’s for women who want the real story.

If the book achieves one thing, what do you want it to be?

I want mums to know they’re not alone in finding it hard. I want them to know there are so many of us out there who struggle through our days.

Women seem to hide their hard moments from each other and social media is one big lie – but we all have hard moments. They’re just not very insta-worthy. Having days where you want to hide from your children doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your children with a ferociousness that scares you, it just means you’re normal and sometimes dealing with the shit of motherhood is too much. But, the beauty of it is, you will survive. Probably. Hopefully. Almost definitely. And you’ll be stronger, tougher, cooler as a result.

How cool was it to have a best-seller even before it was launched officially? (It made #5 on the bestseller list on Booktopia while it was in the preorder stage and #1 in non-fiction.)

That was a delightful surprise! I’ve shared so much of the book writing process as I went through it so I guess a lot of people feel quite invested in this book. It was truly overwhelming and humbling to see how many jumped at the preorders. Let’s just hope the sales continue once it hits shelves!

Where do you go next with your social media and literary career?

Who knows! I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and hope people don’t get sick of me any time soon. Just got to get this next baby out first!

You Will (Probably) Survive is published by Allen and Unwin and will available from all good bookshops–and shit ones too–for $29.99.