I was chatting online with fellow HerCanberra writer, Emma Grey, about her experience of motherhood first-time around in 1998 and now, with her third child.

“When my first baby was born, Mark Zuckerberg was only 14 years old” she said. “We had a word processor at home but no internet connection until a couple of years later – so no email or parenting forums to stay connected with other new mums.”

“This time,” Emma said, “I was Facebooking from the delivery suite! I joined a ‘due in’ group online and count the women in that group amongst my closest friends nearly four years later. I was also able to work from home. Easy access to the web has revolutionised my experiences of parenting.”

It seems ironic that I am writing an article on staying connected while being a stay-at-home mumma as I only have six weeks left to enjoy this as a fulltime occupation. But here I am, having mixed feelings about going back – anxious, excited, sad (to not be with my boys all day, everyday) but also a sense of pride knowing that I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of my maternity leave – something I knew I wouldn’tve survived without staying connected to not just other mummas, but to the support network that have helped keep me sane while on leave!

I must admit, after suffering (and thankfully recovering from) PND with my eldest child four years ago, I was anxious the same would happen with my second. Thankfully it didn’t, for two reasons – 1. I (and my awesome support network) knew what to look out for, and 2. Getting out there and building my own little village in the true spirit of the African proverb “it takes a village to raise a child” – but online.

Shelley Eldridge previously shared her top 5 tips on  “Mums making friends” – mothers’ groups, playgroups, walking groups, MOP’s (mothers of pre-schoolers) and of course, the random meetup. Fabulous tips and a great way to start friendships, but what about afterwards?  All too often these little meetups just form into natural cliques-it’s human nature, non?

We’re all just drawn to like-minded people.  TRUST ME, I’ve tried sooo hard with the preschool playdates/parties…some are wonderful, some are painful. I’m learning through trial and error “just cause your kids are friends doesn’t mean you have to! be”.

Personally, however, aside from being fortunate enough to already have a number of friends who have children, I used social media in the lead-up to and during both maternity leave stints to help keep me “connected”. Having had my first child overseas without childhood friends or family support around (apart from a few friends at work who were on maternity leave at the same time – Godsend!) I turned to social media and the internet to help me connect with other mummas. In fact, one of my closest friends today is a mother I met online – our connection: our boys are “twins” – same day and almost exactly the same time!

Here are my top five “staying connected” tips while being a SAH Parent (cause it’s not just the mummas staying home!)

Your local community centre

From walking groups and paint-n-play to specific support groups (multiple birth families, children with disabilities etc) and free advice sessions (breastfeeding and healthy eating are two I am aware of), the next time you’re in for your child’s immunisations, look around, pick up the pamphlets and ask the community nurse. Strike up a random conversation with the other anxious parents trying to soothe their littlies also having their jabs – I have once, still friends now!

Mamabake

Have you tried it? Batchcooking with a few other mummas, divvy it up et voila – no need to worry about dinner for at least a week (depending on how many of you there are!) I first heard about this right here on HerCanberra, and whilst I have only been to one, I’ve remained friends with a couple of the girls whose bubs are around the same age, as well as “meeting” (read online) and connecting through the forums. Plus, introduced me to the whole batchcooking concept – even if I do it solo, therapeutic AND meals sorted for the week!

Mums&Bubs ANYTHING

For me, this was Storytime and Rhymetime at the Library, Mums & Bubs movie sessions, and being given two months’ to train post baby with specific mums&bubs postnatal exercise (aka “pramcamp”) – Michelle and Prue from a’bloom Personal Training  in my case, fresh air WITH bubs (sometimes with both boys!) and again, meet new friends.

Again, this can be through formal classes / sessions (Kiki of Latin Beat Fitness and the awesome folk at Club Lime Gungahlin in my case) or informally – Canberra seriously has the most awesome places to walk / run / mosey around and of course coffee after! A couple of my favourites: Da Nunzio in Gungahlin,  Bookplate at the National Library, Cockington Green, Adore Tea (well anywhere in Fed Square really!), Weston Park.

Enter the big bad world wide web

Hands up who googles everything? Keep it up if it got worse when you had kids? Dr Google anyone? The amount of time I spent on the computer, and knowing what it was like to feel so isolated especially in the first few weeks after having  bub – from straight searching for nearby community activities to all the social media around us (guilty), I decided to again foster the “takes a village to raise a child” ethos and ‘built my own’ minihub in FB land: mumma’sboys’mumma – yes, part blog (who knew writing could be so therapeutic) but mainly a space for parents to post questions, share tips / gripes and to connect and support local parent-run businesses and events.

Step out from behind the screen and nurture current friendships

One mistake I made when I had my first was think that “I’m a mumma now, only mummas would want to hang out with me”. WRONG! I love that our friends sans enfants enjoy the time with my boys!

In the same vein, yes I realise I am lucky that I do have a friendship circle where pretty much all our social gatherings are with the kidlets.  But the truth is, people change, circumstances change and sadly but surely, the friendships change and evolve, be that with or without kids.

Belladonna Took wrote in her fabulous post BFF Forever : “It happens to us all. As we move through our life journeys, we change, and along the way, our friendships change as well. The girlfriends we gossip with and have lunch or drinks with on a regular basis now may not be around in a year’s time. Life happens: we switch jobs, we move to a different part of the country or a different country altogether, we get married or move in with our partner, we have children…and as we evolve, our friendships evolve as well.