Yes, we’ve heard it all before: “Canberra is so cliquey!” and “It’s hard to make friends here!”, etc, etc.

In fact, I’ve uttered those very words myself many times over, especially when I first moved here. But that was more than three years ago now, and I’ve learned a lot since then – and met lots of terrific people along the way, too.

Unfortunately, Canberra has a reputation for not being the easiest of places to meet people and make friends. How ironic then that the word Canberra in the local indigenous Ngunnawal language means ‘meeting place’! But with a population of over 350 000 (and growing), there are certainly plenty of people out there who, like you, would love to make new friends, too.

Yes, we can blame Canberra for being a cold and harsh place, we can blame our work and family commitments, we can blame Canberrans themselves for being hostile, we can even blame the Prime Minister if we have to – but blaming others will never help us meet new friends. Because the secret in making friends in Canberra actually lies within our very own selves. It really is up to us.

So if you’re relatively new to Canberra or if you’ve been here for a bit longer but are despairing of EVER meeting any like-minded souls, then I’d like to share with you the lessons I’ve learned over the last three years.

1.   Stay Positive and LIKE Canberra!

This was the most important lesson for me. Some months after I first arrived here, I was full of gloom and shadows. I was hurting after a bad social experience (yes, cliques do exist in Canberra, like EVERYWHERE else!), and I was mourning and desperately pining for my old Sydney life and my Sydney friends. But then I realised something: I live in Canberra now, and I have to make the best of it! So I changed my thinking and my attitude towards my new hometown. I actually FORCED myself to LIKE Canberra! But once I did, I began to see and appreciate the beauties of our city, and the gloom and shadows gradually lifted. Three years down the track, I don’t have to force myself to like Canberra anymore!

How we approach things, people, places, and situations in life depends a lot on our attitudes, and if you keep positive about Canberra, then who knows? Maybe you’ll grow to love it – and Canberrans – too.

2.   Throw Yourself Out There!

To make new friends in Canberra, you actually have to get out there and find them! This may not always be easy, of course, especially if you have a baby or little children to look after. But there are plenty of ways mums can meet new friends (read Maddy M O’s article here). And for the rest of us, the opportunities are many!

Discover what your interests are, then take up a hobby, enrol in a class, do some volunteer work, join an interest group, or join a social group, such as a meetup group. Canberra has many meetup groups: Best of Canberra, Canberra Walking group, Sisterhood ACT, Canberra Ladies, Women’s Adventure group, Canberra Breakfast Club, and Camping Canberra, to name a few. Meetup groups are open to everyone. Go to www.meetup.com and find a group that suits you.

3.   Try, and Try Again!

Okay, so you joined a social group or enrolled in a class and you didn’t find the people very welcoming and friendly. Please don’t let that discourage you! I enrolled in a Bollywood dance course a few months after I arrived in Canberra, and unfortunately, I didn’t make any lasting friendships there. The ladies in the group already had their own friends. But I had fun learning some Bollywood dance moves – which I’ve now forgotten! After the Bollywood course, I enrolled in bellydancing, and I finally made some good friends there.  Keep persisting, and in the end, you’ll find what you’re looking for.

4.   Warning: Not everybody you meet will like you.

Yes, it’s true. As we go through our journeys in life, there will be people we meet who will never warm to us. So, in your search for new friends, you’ll come across those who don’t want to be your friend at all or those who are downright hostile towards you or those who will only be happy to have a superficial connection with you. But once again, don’t let that discourage you! You don’t want these kinds of people in your life anyway, right? Stay positive and the right people will enter your life.

5.   Feel the Fear…And do it anyway!

I love the title of Susan Jeffers’ motivational book: Feel the fear…and do it anyway! The truth is, it can be ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING to plunge into something new and unknown, including moving to a new city and trying to make new friends.

I admit I was TERRIFIED when I first joined a social meetup group. I was worried and nervous about cliques and being left out of conversations, etc. But I acknowledged my fears to myself and I went ahead with a dinner event, anyway. The dinner turned out to be lovely, as a matter of fact, and I made a fabulous discovery: there were many women in Canberra who were also just like me, new to town, and wanting to make new friends, too!

There’s nothing wrong with feeling afraid and nervous. They’re normal human feelings, after all. Just don’t let these feelings get in the way of you making new friends.

6.   Take the initiative!

If you meet someone you connect with, then by all means take the initiative! You don’t have to wait for them to call you. Call them and organise another catch up. After a term of bellydancing classes, I took the initiative and invited one of the girls I connected with to breakfast and a morning of retail therapy. We’ve been good friends (and shopping together some more) ever since.

And if the new friend you made takes the initiative, then that’s fantastic! Seize the opportunity. That’s what I did after connecting with someone after two or three events through a meetup group. She invited me to go with her to the Snowy Mountains Readers and Writers Festival last year. I did, and we had a ball! And now she’s one of my closest friends.

7.   It takes time!

Like anything, developing new friendships takes time. You can’t expect to be BFFs with someone after just one meeting! Of course, that may happen if you’re only after superficial connections, but if you, like most of us, want REAL, long lasting friendships in Canberra, then it’ll take time to develop them once you’ve met the right people.  And like romantic relationships, real friendships do require effort and investment on both sides. But they’re worth it.

8.   Have fun!

If you’re not having fun meeting new people in Canberra, then why bother? Meeting new people shouldn’t be a torturous exercise! Make sure you enjoy yourself in the process.

Making new friends in Canberra isn’t exactly an easy thing to do for a lot of us. It can be a very frightening, nerve wracking and sometimes very discouraging experience.  But the truth is, there are PLENTY of good people out there, and there are also plenty of people out there looking for new friends, too. You just have to go and look for them.

Do you have any tips for making friends in Canberra?