Monday Moment: Speak up about feeling down

Posted on 24 November, 2014

One day last week, I posted this on my Facebook page:

“I’ve been feeling pretty down lately (for a couple of months or more), crying more regularly and generally not feeling my usual self, and have recently shared this with a few close friends and family.

Fairly certain it’s due to a year full of significant and relentless pressure on several fronts, which hasn’t abated, and which I’m finding pretty exhausting. I’m doing lots of things to ameliorate (one of my fave words) these feelings: going to bed earlier, exercising more, talking with people about how I feel, asking for help, saying ‘no’ etc.

If it doesn’t go away, or drags out too long, or I stop doing things that I enjoy, I’ll take further steps.

Why am I sharing this here? It’s not a secret. It’s not shameful. It’s healthy to speak up, and I firmly believe that if more people were honest in times of struggle, life would be easier all round. This is a beautiful, safe community (as far as social media can be safe) and I thought there might be others here, feeling the same way, who feel alone in this and might need to hear it. xxx”

True to form, the beautiful community responded with waves of support and compassion, advice and their own stories.

Speaking up about feeling down—letting people into your reality—is crucial. I knew from having experienced post-natal depression (PND) about a decade ago that there’s a slippery slope from feeling a bit flat and unmotivated through stress (as I have been) and winding up in a much darker place.

Life has been very difficult, worrying and traumatic (in some cases) for a lot of people this year.

Between a small circle that extends not very far out of our house, we’ve been dealing with an awfully heavy load: death, terminal illness, suicide, childhood cancer, Alzheimer’s, bipolar depression, paraplegia, anxiety, bullying, complex custody issues, financial stress… and the normal weight of parenting, relationships and work.

We fight through the worry for some time, astonishing ourselves at our capacity to take on these big things. Everyone has a ‘last straw’ though—and that’s the problem. You can deal with so much, but not ‘too much’.

At some point you run out of puff.

That’s how I’ve been feeling, in a nutshell. No puff left, like you’re half-way through a long running race and have to sit on the side of the road for a while.

In that moment, when people stop and say ‘are you okay?’ much depends on your answer. This is not the time to wave people away with a fake ‘fine’.

It’s a time when strength is disguised as vulnerability. When honesty and openness brings freedom from things you might have been keeping secret and carrying alone.

Within days of opening up, I was already feeling lighter. The removal of one or two of the easier-to-deal-with stressors helped, as did some great conversations with friends and some exciting news about someone else (which will be the subject of next week’s newsletter – it’s a bit of a fairytale).

If you’re also feeling a little singed around the edges as we head towards the end of 2014—or if you’re struggling with low feelings that don’t lift after a few weeks—I encourage you to speak up about it. If there’s a problem, address it. If it can’t be fixed, get help with how you respond to it.

Telling people is step one in getting your breath back. xx