Are your breasts OK?
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I do not have breast cancer.
But I recently descended into a nightmarish world in which I discovered I most definitely did have a lump. As it turns out, that lump would be deemed to be harmless but would lead to the discovery of an even more ominous dark spot on an ultrasound in my other breast, which would, in turn, lead to more scans and a biopsy.
I am revealing these intimate details of my breasts for one reason only. To trigger other Canberra women to check their breasts. Because the one thing I thought to myself that terrifying night when I rolled over in bed and felt a sharp pain in my left breast – which was emanating from a lump as large and defined as a grape – was the following:
Why did I wait three years since I had my first mammogram to properly check my breasts? Actually, to check my breasts at all…?
Then the self-recriminations started. Was I really too busy to maintain basic health vigilance? What could be more important than taking care of myself so I could take care of those I love? In those dark and sleepless hours, I realised nothing was more important.
What added to my sense of despair as I waited for the sun to rise so I could make an urgent appointment to see my GP, was that I should know better.
I have written extensively about breast cancer during my time at The Canberra Times. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, and estimated 15934 women will face a breast cancer diagnosis this year.
Meanwhile, 3073 will lose their battle with the wretched disease.
Those facts combined to make for an achingly long and dark night when I made every pact with a higher being to let me be alright because I have two children and a husband who need me and my family has seen enough cancer to last a lifetime.
My GP the next morning was as reassuring as she could be.
Painful lumps are usually hormonal, she said. I booked both an ultrasound and a mammogram.
I was on autopilot while the days ticked by until my next appointment. I must have looked a sight at work, subconsciously lifting my hand into my armpit every five minutes to check whether the lump had miraculously disappeared. It didn’t.
I could not bring myself to tell my husband, who was travelling for work, and who has lost both his beloved mum and beautiful sister to breast cancer. There was absolutely nothing he could do – except worry. I had to force myself not to think about the scenarios that crept into my head. For days, my heart would race as I contemplated that lump. Finally, I arrived at ultrasound day.
A friendly and chatty sonographer came in the room. I could barely squeak out hello. The last time I had had an ultrasound was in pregnancy. Thoughts of my children consumed me as he began screening my left breast.
When he had thoroughly rolled over the lump he triumphantly declared it looked “absolutely normal”. The tissue on the screen was even and grey and there was no sign of anything untoward.
It was like a torrent of relief came gushing from my mouth.
“Thank God you really have no idea the thoughts that have been going through my mind and I haven’t slept in four nights and I have two children and they need me and so does my husband and we are about to go on holidays and I was trying not to think the worst but you know it was definitely a lump and…”
He laughed and shared in my relief.
“Always good to get these things checked out,” he said.
“So what happens when it is not a good outcome?” I asked “What does cancer look like? What do you say when you see it?” I asked.
“We usually see a dark patch, it looks black on the screen, you can’t really miss it. And I have a very good poker face,” he replied.
He then asked to move onto my other breast. I didn’t think it was necessary given there was no lump, but I agreed, given my doctor had asked for both breasts to be screened in the referral.
Within a few seconds, the probe had found it. An unmissable dark spot. I could not feel it. It did not hurt. All conversation was immediately sucked out of the room. He measured and rescanned, measured and rescanned. Without saying a word.
Finally, he went out to get a doctor.
I could barely breath on the table. It was unimaginable to think what could be coming next.
The doctor bustled in, took one look at my face, and smiled.
“It’s OK, there is absolutely no reason to panic. It looks to me like fluid, or a collection of fat cells.”
“Are you an anxious person?” he inquired.
I nodded. Anxiously.
He explained that a biopsy would rule out malignancy, but he wanted me to get the mammogram first. The appointments were shuffled forward and I collapsed into my car not knowing how to feel.
I phoned my closest friend, in whom I had confided in some nights previously as I thought I would go mad with worry. She picked up the first ring.
“WHAT?” she said.
“Well, the lump is fine. But they found something on the other side. It could just be fluid or fat cells.”
“Butter,” she said. “You have butter breast,” she said in reference for my love of inch-thick butter on bread.
“I’m taking this as a win.”
And so it would turn out to be after a few more twists and turns in the diagnosis trail. The mammogram turned out to be clear. But the doctor agreed a biopsy was in order.
The biopsy was not pleasant – three large needles and no anesthetic. But it was over quickly.
Then more long nights were endured as I waited for the results.
The results showed fluid. A follow up ultrasound showed no change. And here I am a few months later with a heightened sense of breast awareness and a fervent need to encourage you all to take breast health to heart. Because I can’t afford to go three years without checking my breasts. And neither can you.
BreastScreen ACT provides free screening mammograms for women from the age of 40. It encourages all ACT women between 50 –74 years to have a free mammogram every two years.
Screening mammograms are for women without symptoms, and can find small cancers before they can be felt or noticed. Women can make an appointment by calling BreastScreen ACT on 13 20 50. A GP referral is not required and the appointment will only take 20 minutes.
BreastScreen ACT has three screening sites, located at Community Health Centres in Belconnen, Civic and Phillip.
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