Help at hand when Swedish death cleaning fails: one woman’s commitment to clearing deceased estates with care

Posted on 15 October, 2024

Melissa Freasier is an experienced teacher. But the dopamine hit of decluttering is addictive, and Melissa embarked on a career change seven years ago, offering her services to overwhelmed homeowners.

The business grew, and Melissa found herself something of a specialist: decluttering deceased estates, and helping people downsize or move into aged care.

Downsizing With Care came into being.

It turns out that this service is something desperately needed by our “sandwiched generation” of parents caring for kids while also trying to look after their ageing parents.

And while the merits of Swedish death cleaning are well documented, very few ever do it.

“In our seven years of doing this, we’ve seen two families who got quite close, but even so needed help to finish off the job,” says Melissa.

When aged parents leave a home through death or the need for aged care they usually leave behind tens of thousands of household objects to deal with.

“The irony is that by the time people get around to starting to actively downsize, their stamina isn’t what it used to be and they or their partner may have significant health problems that limit their ability to downsize.  Also, downsizing never really ends,” Melissa explains.

“People’s needs and priorities continue to change through their 70s, 80s and sometimes 90s and it is very common to do a big downsize to move to an independent unit or retirement village, and then have to do another big downsize further down the track.  I feel it is the biggest project most people will ever undertake in their personal lives.”

More generally, Melissa sees a lot of clutter and has an ability to breathe through it – sorting, identifying for sale, donating and storing where necessary. It is truly something of a gift.

“I feel the word hoarder is over-used, but I suppose every family has a family member who struggles with clutter, and people find it hard to deal with 30+ years’ worth of possessions, regardless of the circumstances.”

No two clients are the same, but Melissa says the typical pathway to her services sees a family member or someone nominated with an Enduring Power of Attorney contacting the company with a home that needs to be sold which is full of possessions, personal effects and memories needing to be cleared out.

“It can be really emotionally tough for loved ones to have to clear out the family home.  The sorting process brings up so many memories and people can feel really stuck on how to deal with everything.  It’s always harder when it’s your own family,” she says.

“Homes that generally take us two to three weeks to clear out commonly take families six months to a year (or more) to clear out.  Sometimes people make a start and find that progress stalls for them and we get called in to sort and re-home the remaining items.”

In almost all cases, people are keen that things are responsibly donated or sold (and don’t just go to landfill) and that their loved one’s legacy is honoured. Sometimes family tensions arise around how items are dealt with and Melissa and her team are engaged to be an impartial party.

One of her team members, Rachel, brings years of experience working for an auction house and is able to provide advice on which items are worth selling to dealers, auction houses and privately. Melissa notes that the company doesn’t take any commission on these sales, and always charges by the hour for any work that is done.\

“Rachel has an amazing knowledge of the antiques and second-hand market in Canberra and she is also always quick to seek advice on anything out of the ordinary.”

This has come in handy for all sorts of collections, from antique furniture and garden gnomes to Dr Who memorabilia and wombat figurines.

The team sorts through every item carefully, keeping things that seem significant and working to ensure valuable items that can be donated to others in need actually get there.

“We’ve built up other contacts within the Canberra region, such as social workers who collect furniture for people setting up a new home, and specialist donation and disposal outlets for various household items.  Though everyone has different interests, most household items are pretty similar and we have developed processes for sorting through the different categories of items,” says Melissa.

“We invariably find ‘hidden’ items that may be of interest to family members and put these in one or more boxes set aside for family.”

While going into someone’s home to deal with every item left in it can seem overwhelming to the family, Melissa finds it an enjoyable challenge that she and the team complete methodically over days or weeks.

The cost per hour depends on the particular house as one person in a three-bedroom house can live quite minimally, whereas another person in a smaller home can accumulate a lot.

“We can generally provide an approximate quote based on similar projects we’ve done in the past.  While sales are not a priority for most families, sales of items of value can help to defray the costs.  People can sometimes get themselves into trouble selling things individually on Gumtree or Facebook.  It’s very time consuming, and really can take many more months (or in some cases, years) to sell each item individually online.”

Once the house is empty, Melissa has a roster of trusted cleaners who can come in to do an end-of-occupancy clean. The sense of satisfaction is extraordinary.

“There’s huge satisfaction in making sure every item goes to the right home, and there’s a real tangible achievement as we progress through the home. We enjoy working with many remarkable Canberrans, many of whom use us again for other projects.”

Melissa was a finalist in the Council On The Ageing ACT Seniors Achievement Awards last year and her passion for the work is obvious.

“We feel honoured that our work enables them to be able to sell the family home or exit the contract with the retirement village and be able to move onto the next chapter of their lives, with memories of their loved ones intact and everyone’s wishes honoured.”

Main image by Pexels.