My new normal is not buying into the Christmas madness
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If you’re on the brink of yuletide collapse, then maybe you need to take a step back like I did last silly season and the one before, and now, well, it feels like a way of life.
Also, no children were harmed in the preparation of this story!!!
This is the fourth year I have well and truly stepped back at Christmas time, and it is fair to assume this is our family’s new normal. And I WON’T be made to feel guilty about it.
My detachment from the Christmas frenzy has come when my children are in their teens. I get that the magic rituals of Christmas mean a lot to the littles, and back then I did my best.
But a few years ago, I stood back and assessed the craziness unfold at the shops, on the streets and online. Everyone gets in that particular frenzy that only Christmas can bring, trying to create beautiful experiences and memories for their families and friends but usually at the expense of their bank balances, their time and their sanity.
I asked how many of us were limping over the line to 25 December as mere shells of our former selves?
And there were a stack of you as it turns out. In fact, I meet women all the time who secretly admit they find Christmas far from the joyful celebration it is marketed to be, and far closer to falling off the edge of a cliff after a particularly stressful year.
I shared my dirty little secret, which might sound a bit controversial coming from someone who is a self-declared homebody with an almost obsessive love of family, tradition, food and an Insta-worthy table setting, but we gave Christmas a bit of a miss, and honestly? I don’t miss it.
Before you label me the Grinch, I want to declare that if you’ve got Christmas under control and will wake up on the day ready for a Hallmark version of life, then more power to you. Honestly, I bet you’ve put enormous work into it, and I admire that. Merry Christmas!
But please don’t come at me for being selfish, uncaring or risking my children’s emotional stability by going in completely the other direction. I’ve decided to write down my reasons publicly in the hope that it may encourage others to give themselves permission to step back a bit too—particularly mums, who generally take on the burden of adding tinsel into everyone’s lives throughout December and upon whom the burden of gift list-making, procurement, wrapping, home decorations, food shopping and prep, cooking, hosting and event management, usually rests (is Christmas a feminist issue? I have to wonder…).
Before I get started, I want it known that I adore my family, and we have plenty of beautiful Christmas memories upon which to draw. But I feel increasingly uncomfortable with going over the top for 25 December when we are all, frankly, just a bit over it.
So here are three things I am NOT doing this Christmas.
Gifts
My kids are privileged and have everything they’d ever need—and more. They will each receive one or two modest gifts on Christmas morning. Could they ask for more? They really better not.
I have spent the last 12 months being a generous gift-giver to people I know and people I don’t. I give when people need it—when friends are sick and need a food package, to celebrate their wins in life with a bottle of champagne, to encourage their passions and make them feel seen and appreciated. I do not need a date to gift the people I love in this world. And I have also made sure to donate my time, awareness and money to the causes which need my attention, of which, sadly, there are so many.
I will declare that starving and displaced families in Palestine have received the bulk of my donations this year.
I have a small gift for my husband and he will probably sneak me in something unexpected. We have the distinct privilege of being able to buy what we want when we need it. The older I get, the more power I find in buying less.
I watch the commercial pressure mount on families to gift for the sake of gifting, and on those who can’t afford the rising cost of living, much less the yuletide free-for-all. There is so much last-minute buying that seems extravagant and wasteful, just for the sake of having piles of stuff under the tree.
And then there are households with nothing, who watch the excess happen around them. Let’s take a step back from the senseless overspending and stocking-stuffing for everyone’s sake. Your credit card and the environment will thank you.
Decorations/Wrapping/Cards
There will be no wrapping. I find it hard to get excited about wrapping anything ever, and it does seem a waste of paper and effort to wrap gifts only to have it ripped off and chucked in the bin. I have not wrapped things in years, mostly giving things in reused paper bags. It feels great, let me tell you.
Christmas cards? Nope, not this year either. I may write a note to the kids, but not a single card has gone out from me. I write letters, cards and notes all the time (just ask anyone who knows me) expressing my love and attachment throughout the year. I have said all I need to say, people!
A Christmas tree
This is usually a no from us. But my daughter expressed sadness that we didn’t have one, so I caved. We have a fairly bedraggled tree trying to stay upright in our entrance. Our cats think it is a new scratching post. They also appear to be eating parts of it. Who knows what will be left standing by Christmas Day?
Christmas food
What are we eating on the day? Not sure yet, actually, but I do look forward to placing a beautiful family meal on the table. This year I will be making this prawn cocktail, my mum’s famous fruit salad and a ridiculous ice-cream cake that I love to make at Christmas time. Hot food? No, thank you.
And so to the Actual Big Day: you may be asking what are we actually going to do? See, that’s another delightful part of stepping back this year. I don’t know exactly.
But it’s likely to revolve around a lot of pool time and a family movie. The quieter the day, the better. My kids are exhausted too! We have been inspired to attempt a puzzle at some point and I have some wonderful books to finish. Does that sound like Heaven? It does to me.
Honestly, I am looking forward to the warmth and happiness that will come with this day, without the frenzied shopping and tinsel-draped commercialism to detract from my joy.
I feel amazingly calm about all of this. And I cannot end this piece without declaring that 2025 feels like a particularly diabolical year. I need a moment to collect myself on the sofa and pray for better days ahead.
