Really? It’s been a whole year since I last drank alcohol?
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It’s a bizarre thing that this month I celebrate one year without drinking alcohol.
It sounds like a long time, but certainly doesn’t feel like it.
I just stopped last October, with no real plan in mind, and I haven’t gone back for so many reasons.
Since writing about my initial decision, born of a lockdown-induced afternoon cocktail habit and a visceral need to hold a glass of wine in my hand every night as I sought to console myself after being a really bad school teacher-of-two, a harried journalist, and chief cook and bottle-washer, I have had many people want to discuss the subject of alcohol with me.
Most ask how I did it, how much longer I want to keep it up, and how I cope around others who drink.
I want to declare that I don’t judge people who drink, I absolutely loved alcohol while I was drinking it. I loved the ritual of mixing a cocktail or uncorking a champagne bottle. I loved the long-stemmed weight of glass in my hand. Honestly, alcohol felt like a beautiful punctuation point in my day – a shift from focussing on all the demands around me and a move into the evening of “my time”. When Covid entered the fray, alcohol felt like the perfect indulgence amid the despair.
Until it didn’t. If you have ever had an uneasy feeling about whether you rely on alcohol for relaxation, or drink through boredom or habit, or require it to help you navigate social situations, then you might know the feelings that I was starting to have. Did I want alcohol every day? Did I need it? It was certainly starting to feel that way.
And so shortly after lockdown ended, I decided to take a break. I didn’t have a date in mind of how long I would go without drinking but I can categorically say that had anyone told me it would be a year I would not have believed it. Moreover, I think the concept would have been so overwhelming I would not have stopped in the first place. I just aimed for three days in a row rather than my previous rule of at least two days a week without a drink. And in those three consecutive days I quite suddenly started to feel better. It stretched to a week and then I did not dare look back. I was definitely onto something.
Emma Macdonald avoids alcohol but may have a tea addiction…
Of course, now that I do look back I can see that post-lockdown elation must have played a part in my mood improving substantially when I quit drinking. I did find lockdown incredibly challenging (and I partly blame the Year 6 maths curriculum for that) but other things changed almost immediately too when I stopped—and that was my sleep and my mental clarity improved. These were big issues for me and once you feel the freshness of an alcohol-free brain after a great night’s sleep, it’s something you want to hold onto. On more superficial levels, I loved my fresher looking skin and almost immediate weight loss. Chalk up looking better next to feeling better and suddenly that chilled glass of wine starts to sour.
Mind you, it was rarely “just one glass” towards the end. Lockdown seemed to take the brakes off my normally sedate drinking habits. I can count on one hand the times I have been rollickingly drunk. Well, maybe two hands. But I never considered myself a big drinker, and certainly not a binge drinker. A few of my friends are. They probably don’t consider they have a problem, but I worry for them. I can see how they got there. By the end of lockdown I was craving not one, but several drinks each night. I mean, what is the point of stopping at one? And that’s really the point at which I realised I needed to stop.
So to the question of when I will drink again, one year on, the answer is…Probably not. I have zero desire. And I think it is easier to say a blanket ‘no’ than to try and enter the alcohol fray once more. But I have also come to discover that saying ‘no’ for the immediate future is much more comfortable than saying ‘no’ for the rest of time.
Now that it has been a year, I am actually quite proud of myself. I like myself a lot more this way. I like the way I feel. I am happier and healthier (I’ve cut down my risk of serious disease which is definitely a nice feeling) and I think I’ve been a good role model to my children, who can see a mum who happily navigates home life and social situations without a glass of wine in hand. Frankly, I just want to keep going.
I have also discovered there is plenty to drink out there in replacement of alcohol. Canberra has a solid scene of fabulous mixologists who can create magic without the alcoholic bits. I do not feel I have missed out on a single social interaction or opportunity because I choose to bypass the champers and grab a sparkling water. And sometimes I drink non-alcoholic wine (although it has been a hit and miss affair). Mainly give me tea. All the tea. It fixes everything. And no matter how much of it you drink, you still like yourself in the morning.
If reading this has brought up any unpleasant feelings for you there’s plenty of places you can go to discuss your relationship with alcohol. You can start by contacting the National Alcohol and Other Drugs Hotline, or find free support online, such as at Hello Sunday Morning and counselling online, or join support groups in your area, such as Alcoholics Anonymous.
Main Image by Jill Burrow via Pexels.
