The call that changed everything: One foster mum’s story
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“Hi Tam, it’s Cassie from ACT Together. I know that this isn’t the care type you usually provide but I was wondering if you and your family would consider caring for a 15-year-old girl, just for two nights?”
“A 15-year-old girl? Really? I guess I could talk to Jason about it, but we’ve never cared for a teenager before…”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think your family could do it, I’ll leave it with you.”
Jason and I became carers in 2011, after years of failed attempts to increase our family. We’d always talked about the idea of fostering but thought that a natural course of action was biological first. After our first placement, a newborn baby, we immediately recognised that our hearts are built to love those who were not biologically related to us, just as much as those who we had birthed.
After 24 children entered our home, our lives and our hearts, that call came from ACT Together.
Amy* arrived on our doorstep several hours later. I’d spent the afternoon pacing—How was I going to care for a 15-year-old? I wasn’t ‘cool’ or ‘trendy’? I was in my 30s with a three-year-old and a four-month-old, what would I even talk to a 15-year-old about?
Amy was quiet for several hours upon her arrival, choosing to remain mostly in her room, sitting silently on her hastily made-up bed. With a little encouragement around unpacking her bag, having a look in the backyard and meeting our dog, Amy came out of her room and started softly exploring our home. I was surprised by her presence. She wasn’t a ‘scary teen’ who wouldn’t get her phone out of her face. She had a warm and inviting personality. She was polite, considered.
Two days came and went and we were due to go to the coast for the weekend and say goodbye to Amy.
“Hey Tam, I know we asked you to have Amy for two nights, but do you think you could do any longer? We haven’t been able to find anyone else that is available to care for a teenager.”
When Jason arrived home from work I told him about the phone call and he smiled when I said the words “Do you think she can come with us to the coast?”, knowing it was more of a statement than a question.
Weeks rolled by, enabling us the privilege of celebrating Amy’s Sweet 16th, then a few more months passed, providing us time to get to know Amy’s family who we quickly formed a close relationship with. The following months gave us a greater insight into what was really happening for Amy, including her struggles with mental health and drug use.
While most days were great and positive, there were also some days that were tough, even terrible. There were nights that I cried with worry and doubt, no different to how I cry with worry and doubt about my biological children.
Shortly after Amy turned 17, it was time for her to ‘fly from our coop’ and test the world out with a little more independence. We could only hope that we had supported Amy in the foundational work to know how important, loved and valued she was, and that there was always a safe haven to return to in times of need.
Here today, I wonder why I spent so many sleepless nights worrying about Amy. This extraordinary young woman with a heart of gold and a smile to light up the darkest of rooms went on to complete multiple certificates in a range of roles such as hospitality, beauty and office management. She then studied to become a Paralegal and worked in a Canberra law firm before finally recognising the importance of her lived experiences through studies in Community and Social Work.
We are so grateful to continue to have Amy as our ‘extra’ daughter and a role model for our kids. I’m glad to say that we were wrong to think we couldn’t care for a teen. If we hadn’t, we might have missed out on having Amy in our lives…
*Names have been changed for privacy reasons
