The International Day for Ending Violence Against Women matters more than ever
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Content warning: this article contains descriptions of domestic violence.
Every year on 25 November, communities mark the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. But for too many women, violence isn’t observed once a year – it’s survived daily.
I know this because it was once my reality.
There was a period when I was not safe. From the outside, everything appeared steady – I worked, I smiled, I kept moving. Inside, I was barely holding myself together.
At home, angry fists flew towards my face. Chairs were thrown. Plates were smashed. I fled the house more times than I can remember. During the day, I tried to outrun the truth by burying myself in work. At night, I slept in my car because it was the only place I could breathe.
Leaving didn’t end the danger. The threats continued. There was stalking. Forced entry. The fear of being found sat heavy for years.
What stayed with me the most was the quiet shrinking of myself afterward. The instinct to stay small and unnoticeable. Because invisibility felt like safety.
So when I talk about the importance of this day, I’m not speaking academically or as a policy professional. I’m speaking as someone who has lived the reality many women never speak of.
Even now, when my toddler throws a toy in frustration, I feel my heartbeat spike. Something flying across a room – no matter how small – still takes me back.
But here’s the truth that gives me hope: violence is preventable.
It’s not inevitable. It’s shaped by decisions – political, cultural, personal – and by communities willing to confront uncomfortable truths with courage. Canberra is capable of that courage.
Research, including my PhD work on boys, men, and fatherhood, shows that preventing violence isn’t just about addressing harm after it occurs. It’s about strengthening the conditions that make safety possible.
While violence is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men, the answer has never been to shame or sideline them. The answer lies in engaging them. Helping boys develop healthier identities. Creating spaces where emotional honesty is strength, not weakness. And encouraging accountability grounded in dignity and respect.
Today, that also means facing an emerging frontier: the digital world shaping expectations. AI tools that sexualise. Chatbots that normalise degradation. Online spaces where misogyny is dressed up as entertainment. These technologies are reshaping how young people understand intimacy and consent– often without adults realising.
If we want a safer world for girls and women, we need honest conversations about what responsible, ethical manhood looks like when boys are forming beliefs from algorithms instead of real relationships.
Through personal experience and years working in gender equality, I’ve learned something simple: when men are supported to be well, women are safer. The wellbeing of women and men is linked.
When one woman is unsafe, the impact ripples wide. I withdrew from friendships. Lost relationships I cared about. Stepped back in my career. I couldn’t bring my full self to anything– surviving takes everything you have. And perhaps the hardest part was losing my voice. The words I once relied on felt unreachable – locked behind fear, denial and exhaustion. It takes time – and safety– for a voice to return.
But voices do return– and progress is possible when communities choose to be brave and united. It begins with conversations in our homes, schools, and workplaces. It grows when we back our frontline services. And it strengthens when men and women walk this path together.
On this International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, my hope is simple: that we keep choosing courage over comfort. That we listen to survivors with open hearts. And that we insist on a Canberra where every woman can live without fear.
