I made a politically incorrect statement the other day. Well, maybe not, maybe it was just culturally insensitive. Some parents were discussing Christmas preparations and I wandered by as the topic turned to presents from Santa. I’m the one with older children so someone asked me if our big kids still believe in Santa.

“Oh, we don’t do Santa.” I said.

Silence. Awkward shuffling of feet, nervous smiles and raised eyebrows. Doesn’t everyone do Santa? What if her children tell my children?

“We’ve never done Santa but the kids know not to tell their friends that Santa’s not real.”

“Do you celebrate Christmas at all?” One mum asked.

Yes we do, and that’s why we decided twelve years ago not to do the Santa thing but to keep the focus on Jesus’ birthday. However, it’s more complex than that. As my children have grown so have my concerns about Santa.

I have fond childhood memories of the man in the red suit. My sisters and I would leave long grass and carrots out for the reindeer and a glass of beer and some Christmas cake for Father Christmas. We woke up early (oh so early) on Christmas morning, pulled treasures out of our initialed pillowcases, tried to work out what they were (because it was still dark and we couldn’t turn the light on or Mummy and Daddy would know we were up too early), carefully replace them, then sneak back to bed counting the minutes until we were allowed to get up.

One Christmas Eve I was sitting in the dark on the still-warm concrete porch at my grandmother’s house in Sydney. It was a clear night and millions of stars pressed through the deep indigo blanket of sky. I hugged my knees and listened as Mummy told me of the time she was sure she saw Father Christmas and his sleigh flying silently by when she was a girl. I searched and searched the blanket above until I saw a light making a pathway through the starry night. Could that be him? I rushed off to bed, just in case.

A few years later I had the job of finding out whether my younger sisters still believed in Father Christmas. My parents figured there was no point continuing with the ruse if we had it all worked out – which we did, so that was the end of that. These memories still make me smile, but as a parent I now see a bigger picture.

It doesn’t bother me too much that Santa as we know him today (fat man, red suit, hohoho, reindeer, sleigh, sack of presents) was effectively created by the Coca Cola company. I’m happy to put up a Christmas wreath even though that tradition comes from the Wiccans (apparently), and celebrate Jesus birthday on December 25 even though this was originally the day to celebrate the birth of a particular Greek deity (or not, depending on which bit of Wiki you read). I don’t mind that traditions started somewhere and ended up elsewhere. But I am bothered by Santa.

What concerns me is the idea that ‘good kids’ get presents and ‘naughty kids’ don’t. If that actually happened it might be ok – many parents use the “Santa’s watching” line in the lead up to Christmas but really, does anyone follow through? On Christmas morning how many kids are going to find a note in their otherwise empty stocking saying “You really should have tidied up your room/done your violin practise/not hit your brother”?

I think we all agree that Christmas presents are for giving because we love our children and want to give them good things, not as a reward for being ‘good’. What makes a kid good enough to receive (or naughty enough to miss out) anyway?

The reality is it’s not the naughty kids who don’t get presents – it’s the poor kids. Stories currently abound on parenting websites (many American) of parents telling their kids the truth about Santa this year purely because they can’t afford to buy presents. Not to mention (because we don’t mention them, do we?) the millions of starving children in third world countries. The Santa stories and movies show him travelling to homes across the globe yet we know most children will miss out.

Christmas is a time for fun and celebration but I also want my kids to know about the cost of having and the cost to those who have nothing. I want them to care about those who don’t have and for us to do something about it. So before receiving toys, games and clothes on Christmas day we wrap presents to put under the Giving Tree. As well as giving books, photos and bicycle gear, they give Oxfam Unwrapped gift cards. My 12 year old son was majorly excited about giving his teacher “a pile of poo” (cattle manure to increase soil fertility for a family in Sri Lanka). I bet Santa wouldn’t put that in his sack.

What are your thoughts on Santa? How does your family deal with the great divide between the ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’?