Empowering ideas for all the single ladies on Valentine’s Day
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February 13—aka ‘Gal-entine’s Day’—is just around the corner. Are you ready to love yo’self (and your friendship circle) sick?
About eight years ago I moved overseas for a once-in-a-lifetime work opportunity. Two weeks after leaving Australia and a partner who was still completing his studies, a one-line Skype message landed in my inbox. My boyfriend wanted to call it quits and the outcome wasn’t up for debate.
I received the news on Valentine’s Day, after returning to my new home-base from a weekend at the beach with some friends. Shell-shocked and emotionally untethered in the Cambodian heat, I was still coming to terms with so much newness that this vote of no-confidence from someone who professed to love me felt inconvenient and very cruel.
Each year Google reminds me of how I coped with a photo memory circa 2015: a box of tissues, Tiger Balm pain relief sticky patches, and tear-jerking episodes of Sex and the City.
So far as break-ups go, it wasn’t my first, last, or even the worst I’ve endured. Looking back, the man was forgettable (truly) and it was a blessing to cut someone out of my life who wasn’t as supportive of my dreams and trajectory as I was his.
But of course, I didn’t have the benefit of hindsight. As a 20-something, who’d just taken one of the biggest leaps of her young life, my failed relationship felt like condemnation for chasing something for myself on my own terms. I definitely harboured this belief much longer than I should have after the split.
The good news is that the group of friends I made on that trip to the beach in the coastal town of Kep remain some of my closest gal-pals. Overall the year that was 2015 was one of the most formative and important years of my life.
If you’re single or your significant other is away, and prone to feeling especially glum at this time on the calendar, here are some ideas to pump your tyres, invest in you, and embrace the circle of friends who are there come hell or high water.
Culture and entertainment to live your best life (not that you need Valentine’s Day to be an excuse)
Dinner and a show
Gather one or two of your besties and celebrate the power of platonic love over a tasty meal, fancy cocktail, or movie. I can’t remember the last date I went on that was actually more enjoyable than my regular Saturday morning coffee with my ride-or-die or the occasional power walk and chat with friends through one of Canberra’s parks.
There are all sorts of local entertainment options on or near Valentine’s Day, with the Canberra Street Theatre offering several fabulous shows in February to get the blood pumping and heart aflutter. Succumb to the enchanting rhythm of flamenco ensemble Bandaluzia Flamenco on Saturday 18 February, or visit the next day to be captivated by the incomparable Oud virtuoso Joseph Tawadros on 19 February.
Start making dinner reservations now though, those loved-up couples are probably looking to snap out available seating.
Brush up on your wine connoisseur skills
Consuming plonk—even the tasty varieties—when you’re sad and alone is ill-advised. So make your responsible consumption of alcohol an educated affair. If you want to learn about a wine from a particular region, there are all manner of relaxed and engaging appreciation classes you can do with a friend. For the more serious sommelier-wannabes out there there are also accredited courses you can enroll in. Local options include the Pique-nique, who offer private tastings, wine pairing classes and an introductory wine appreciation course, or the CIT wine appreciation short course. Alternatively, hop in the car and visit one of the many nearby vineyards for a slow-paced day out.
Fancy some fun?
Find something to do with a pal that will thrill your inner child. It could be as extravagant as taking to the air in a hot air balloon or flying a kite on the windy hills at the arboretum. Maybe it’s time to revisit the National Zoo & Aquarium or get out of town for a regional day trip. Novelty and excitement that spark our immigration and inspire glee should not be the exclusive purview of activities you do with a love interest in tow. Canberra and its beautiful surroundings are your oyster. Be free. Have the time of your life. Explore at leisure!
Empowering activities and other life admin
Plan your next international adventure
It will never happen until you book the flight, organise a visa (if necessary), and get your travel vaccinations. But a good starting point is researching itineraries and mapping out a budget for those bucket-list holidays that were put on the back-burner during the travel black-out of the pandemic years. You can do this exercise alone or with a friend—the idea is to give some outline to dreams, so they become goals and eventually plans. Whether it’s a 10-day silence retreat in little buddhist monastery on some far flung foothills, a Christmas tour of Viennese markets, or a long weekend visiting Western Australia, give yourself something to look forward to and your soul permission to invest in the idea of a new destination on the near-horizon.
Start strategising for your financial wellbeing
Speaking of money, switch out those bin-firie dating apps from your phone and consider downloading an investment or financial strategy app instead (I won’t endorse a product—do your own research and consult a financial advisor to discern what is best for you). We actually have more control when we prioritise our fiscal health over romantic aspirations, and the tangible benefits of this kind of work mean that hopefully it doesn’t matter what your marital status is in ten or twenty years. All things going well, and with some deliberate planning today, you’ll be set. Use Valentine’s Day to buy some books on saving and budget, curate a list of financial wellbeing podcasts, and thumb your nose at the statistic that older, single women in their 50s and 60s experience greater financial insecurity. Better yet, schedule time with your friends to discuss this over dinner at home and share what you’ve learned with each other. The bottom line is you need a better plan than winning lotto or marrying a tech-bro.
Consider kicking butt
Protecting yourself in the face of danger is an important life skill, so why not invest the time and energy others would be putting into commercialised romantic gestures learning basic strikes, escapes, and avoidance techniques? Canberra has a number of options for people looking to level-up with Krav Maga, Synergy Fitness, Canberra Martial Arts, and Karate Dojo all offering different self-defence training for women.
Book yourself in for cervical screening and a mammogram
We have to do it periodically for our own health, so why not shimmy and shake your way to an amazing healthcare provider and get checked? People with a cervix aged 25-74 should be getting a cervical screening test every five years.
Breastscreen ACT offers free mammograms, done in under 15 minutes, to women aged 40+ (people aged 50-74 should book a mammogram every two years). People who are breastfeeding should speak with their doctor before attending, and those who are pregnant should not have a mammogram due to the possible effects of radiation.
Treat yourself to gifts that keep on giving
Invest in an essential tool set
Handymen are helpful but with the right equipment and a library of YouTube how-to videos you’ll be fixing taps, assembling Ikea tables, and any other odd job that needs to be done in no time. This Valentine’s Day take yourself out on a trip to Bunnings with the goal of either buying a complete set (or completing one by purchasing tools you still haven’t purchased). A basic DIYer’s kit should include a tape measure, screwdrivers and hex key set, a pair of pliers, a spirit level, a wrench, a hammer, a box (or utility) knife, nails, screws and bolts, and a drill. Once you’re all decked out with the basics, commit to completing at least three outstanding odd-jobs around the house. For me, it will be finally putting up art frames on the walls.
Forgo flowers and buy yourself a flowering plant
Give a green thumbs-up to a token of your own affection (for you) that will last more than a week. There are some glorious potted rose bushes selling for about $60 each which will long outlive any overpriced half-a-dozen in a box. This is also a great gift idea if you’re looking to buy your best friend something for Galentine’s.
Ask an oracle
Finally, a suggestion for the believers: If you’re still scratching your head about why Mr Right hasn’t … ummm… ‘swiped right’ yet, perhaps you can ask a spiritual medium to consult the stars and channel a message from spirit with the aid of tarot cards. Kind of like my advice about booking a table to a restaurant well clear of Valentine’s Day, you’ll need to get your skates on to land a consultation with divine timing. Many local mediums are booked weeks in advance in Canberra. Fortunately in this digital era, there’s a host of other Australian-based mediums and even some further afield who can offer a virtual reading for you. Better still, buy a deck of tarot cards (I was bowled over to see how many options the bookshelves of Big W in Civic offers) to share some pro bono prophesying for your friends and loved ones.
