When I was in my early teens my parents were ‘preoccupied’ with things other than me.  And why not.  I was child number 3.  Mum was the age I am now and looking for more meaning to her life.  And she found it working in the theatre. The Canberra – and Australian no doubt – theatre scene is loaded with the students of hers that she took with her to work backstage, lighting and sound boards.  My Dad was working every hour God sent to set up The Questacon – and to the continuing benefit of the many he succeeded. I love both my parents dearly and wouldn’t swap them for the world.  But I was a bit of a latch-key kid.  They were often gone when I got out of bed and not home till well after I was.

Don’t get me wrong, I was fine.  I was housed, fed and clothed.  I learnt to be independent and resourceful.

But I do remember really appreciating the time my best friends’ Dad spent with me.  Mr Browne taught me things, encouraged me and included me.  A gruff man with a dry wit, a lot of people could have found him intimidating, but I thought he was great.  There were two times in particular that I appreciated.  The first was when he came home and we’d trashed the place.  He lined me up with his own sons and dressed me down, along with them, for my role in the events.  Rather than making me scared or want to go home, it actually made me feel like I belonged.

A number of years later he confirmed that.  We were going to the year 12 formal and I’d hired a shirt which needed cufflinks.  Mr Browne lent me the actual gold cufflinks his late father had left him – one of the only things he had from him.  I’ll never forget that.

There were a lot of temptations for a young teen growing up in the West Belconnen badlands.  Anyplace where streaked mullets, dress uggies and stonewashed jeans were desirable items was a dangerous and scary world indeed.  While I was certainly no saint, I mostly managed to keep myself and my friends out of serious trouble.  And that Mr Browne used to say to me before we went out “keep these boys out of trouble” played no small part in keeping us safe. I wanted to do right by him.

He really influenced how I thought and how I acted.  I still feel his influence.  He included me and supported me when I needed it, and he challenged my arrogance and prejudice when they raised their ugly heads.  He helped me become a man.

The world hasn’t got any easier in the last 30 years.  In fact it’s gotten a lot harder.  Not every boy is as lucky as I was to have a Mr Browne.

My bet is there are a lot of HerCanberans out there who have a boy who needs his very own Mr Browne.  And this can be for a great number of reasons. Their Dad could be a workaholic, a poor communicator, have issues with alcohol or drugs. He could be incapacitated or hospitalised.  Or he could have just left.

One thing is certain, kids will find a role model on their own.  The question is will it be a good one?

That’s where Menslink can help.  They are there to help guide and support young men, aged 12-25, who – for one reason or another – are lacking a regular, positive male influence.

They’ve got 40 men – and growing – aged 24-64 who’ve been properly screened, vetted and found to be appropriate to help the kids make the transition to adulthood.

Menslink was established in 2002 in recognition that there was a growing problem amongst boys/young men.  It is funded by the ACT Government and by donations. They deal with about 120-150 kids each year.

I met with Martin Fisk from Menslink to find out what the service was all about and he reeled off some alarming statistics about 12-25 year old males:

• They constitute 9 out of 10 youth justice cases;
• Their school dropout rate is double that of girls;
• Their unemployment rate is 20% higher than the norm; and
• 4 out of 5 suicides come from this group.  In fact it is the leading cause of death for males under 25.

Shocking, right?

And here is the kicker: this is not a problem that has a neat socio-economic home.  Sure, there are a lot of the boys from poor households, with no father present who help make these stats so high.  But Martin assures me that the problem exists just as readily in wealthy families.  “Under fathering” was a term Martin used.

Most of Menslink’s clients are single mothers looking for help to successfully raise their boys.

Martin was at pains to tell me that the men – all of whom are volunteers – are not surrogate fathers, nor are they teachers.  They are there to offer guidance and support.  Further, apart from in exceptional circumstances, they aren’t there to police the kids or enforce rules.  Martin quoted one of the kids his organisation has helped as saying “You can talk to the guys at Menslink and they are not there to get you in trouble.”

The kids meet with these mentors to start with at “getting-to-know-you” functions.  There they are encouraged to choose their own mentor.  Martin says that this is a really important part of the kid buying in to the whole thing.  And the kids need to buy in as most kids who are dragged or forced there don’t stay.  Getting the boys through the door with some form of positive attitude is important.

Menslink also aims to develop the boys’ social skills, which are so important in getting on in life. Social connectedness is critical for this, but there are a lot of kids out there that are very isolated.  Menslink can help a bullied boy, a kid with Aspergers, a scared and shy kid – and any other sort of kid that needs it – interact, be involved, be listened to and to not feel all alone.  And hopefully to make good choices as well.

The day I stood in a seedy basement watching two associates inject drugs into their veins I could feel good role models standing behind me telling me that these guys were idiots and to leave. Just like the ghostly figures of Obi Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Anakin Skywalker at the end of Return of the Jedi, Neal and Doug were right behind me.  And leave I did. What a great choice that was.

Martin from Menslink came and talked to me so that I could tell you about what they do.  Like I said above, I was lucky that I found mentors when I needed them.  I’ll always be grateful for what Mr Browne did for me – and the guidance Neal and Doug provided.

If you’ve got, or know of, a boy aged 12 to 25 that you reckon could use a bit of support, Menslink is really worth considering.  They can be found on the web at www.menslink.org.au , or contacted via email at info@menslink.org.au or via phone (02) 6239 4699.

And another thing HerCanberrans, Menslink is always looking for new mentors.  Men love and need to be valued and needed.  Being a mentor with Menslink could provide that to one or many of the men you know.  If you know someone who you reckon might be good at being a mentor, get them to contact Menslink and chat about it.

They might end up being just what some kid needs.