How to date yourself
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I had planned to write another light-hearted and humorous story of the misadventures I have had with men over the past year. Believe it or not there is enough content for Single in Canberra, Part Three.
I realised I couldn’t quite bring myself to put pen to paper so to speak. Whenever I reflected on the experiences I had with men, instead of laughing, it felt hollow. It wasn’t funny anymore and when one date turned up to a morning coffee date completely wasted and incoherent, I decided I was done. Instead, I was going to focus on myself and take myself on some dates.
And why not? I’m a bit of a catch and I would be lucky to date myself so I decided I would spend some time getting to know myself and see if I could spark a reconnection.
There are a few options for self-dating. I tested a few out and reflected on each.
The gallery/museum/exhibit date
This is perfect because I find visiting galleries and museums is always better solo because you can walk around at your own pace without having to feign interest in any particular thing because of the person you are with. It’s also something you can do on your own without too much attention. I used to do things like this all the time. I lived in New York as a 21-year-old and was always travelling, eating out and seeing Broadway shows on my own. I am out of practice though so I am determined to get back into this.
Pros
- Canberra has heaps of free or cheap options in this category.
- You can take as much or as little time to look around as you like.
- There are a wide variety of people and you will not seem out of place visiting on your own.
Cons
- It is sometimes nice to have someone to debrief with after seeing an exhibit or show.
The walking date
Walking trails in Canberra are in plentiful supply and I had a few in mind based on a recent HerCanberra piece I had bookmarked. I decided to start small and chose the One Tree Hill trail out near Hall. It’s a relatively easy walk with no big climbs and is only around two hours return. The scenery was gorgeous and I kept thinking how lucky I am to live is such a beautiful place.
Listen to music or just use the time to clear your mind and relax. Or, if preferred use the walking time to think things over without distraction or interruption. You can do whatever you want, that is the beauty of dating yourself!
The good thing about walking on your own is you don’t have to fake your fitness level and if you need to take a break you can. You also use less energy because you aren’t trying to walk and talk at the same time.
Pros
- It’s free.
- There are so many options, you will never get bored.
- You will feel amazing afterwards. Walking is so good for your mental and physical health.
- Canberra has some of the most incredible scenery and you get your very own uninterrupted view.
Cons
- I tend to get a little restless and bored walking alone for too long and it can be fun to have someone motivating you if you get tired.
The beach
I love the beach. I grew up going there regularly and really miss having the ocean on my doorstep. I try to get to the coast with or without the kids as much as I can and I actually really enjoy being there alone. It’s so nice to set up a towel and read a book or listen to music or a podcast, enjoy swimming in between to cool off and really just forget all about day to day life.
I find that being further away from the beach makes me appreciate it so much more when I am there. There are usually a lot of families or couples who lovingly apply each other’s sunscreen and frolic in the water but generally the beach is a pretty comfortable space to be alone.
Pros
- Sunshine always makes everything feel better.
- A swim in the ocean is incredibly revitalising, it makes you feel refreshed and energised.
- Its relaxing lying on the beach listening to the waves and birds.
Cons
- The biggest con I found is that there is no way to apply sunscreen to your back. This is actually quite frustrating and if anyone has a solution to this, please let me know.
- If you are self-conscious, it can be unsettling to wear your swimmers in public. I do enjoy the fact that you see all sorts of bodies though and the bottom. line is no one cares and most people are so focused on their own insecurities they aren’t concerned with your mum tum or wobbly bum.
Drinks and dinner
This was the most daunting one for me. It’s one thing to get breakfast or brunch at a café solo (I actually love this and highly recommend it to everyone) but it is an entirely different story to go to a restaurant at night by yourself.
I tried this recently but realise in hindsight I did it all wrong. If you are going to eat out, it is wise to choose somewhere with some atmosphere. Live music, dim lights, lots of people. I chose wrong and went to a restaurant I had wanted to go to for ages but never had the opportunity. Every table was occupied by a couple and my table had been set with not only one place setting but also one chair (really unnecessary)
I felt very obviously single and uncomfortable and as a result I couldn’t wait to finish my meal and get out of there. Next time I will opt for somewhere a little more casual.
Pros
- You can order what you want, no sharing.
- You have the opportunity to people watch. It’s always fun trying to guess if anyone is on a first date and see how people interact with each other.
- It is empowering. I couldn’t wait to leave my fancy restaurant but I am so glad I did it. It felt good to be able to take myself somewhere nice like that and use my own money to pay for it.
Cons
- Don’t go fancy. It was just too uncomfortable. At least with music or a bar there is a bit of atmosphere and places to focus your attention.
- I chose not to play on my phone or bring a book so it became very boring with no one to chat to. I enjoy my own company but I was a little sick of sitting. with my own thoughts by then end of the evening. Again, this is where music or a comedian or show would be better.
That is my foray into solo dating so far. I am glad I did it, I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and I certainly did do that. I love doing things on my own and will continue to do so however I will choose activities that are less catered to couples.
I have to admit, I would prefer to do many of these activities with friends however, I have decided I will no longer put off or wait around for someone to join me in doing something I want to do. Life is too short to put off the things that bring you happiness.
