Monday Moment: When you can’t be yourself

Posted on 29 February, 2016

I saw an image on social media recently with the caption: “”I buy passes for music festivals and post them on Instagram before reselling them so people think I have a social life. I’ve actually never been to one. I had someone ask me why I never post pictures of the actual festival and I said, ‘I leave my camera at home because reality shouldn’t be viewed through a lens.’”

The admission was to a quarter of a million people, so I guess her cover is blown now, but it got me thinking—why does she need a cover in the first place? Why such an insatiable need to impress people? Can’t she just be herself?

I get that this is complex and that it requires a certain amount of confidence to ‘be yourself’—no pretending—particularly online, where there’s pressure to keep up with the Jones’s fabulous renovation or overseas holiday or fitness regime or their toddler’s development. Or, in this woman’s case, to keep up with an expectation of an amazing twenty-something social life.

We all know that what we see online often isn’t real. Pictures might say a thousand words, but often they’re the wrong thousand. There are always further dimensions and layers behind the way things look.

A friend posted an image this week of three books she’d bought on how to raise children. She said she’d felt ‘shame’ whilst buying them, before deciding to publicly embrace the fact that parenting is hard and tell people that she and her husband are getting some help with things they’ve been struggling with for a while. The support she received after this post was of course full of “me too”.

I’ve been posting photos in the last few days of 6am sunrise walks with my daughter and her friend. It could look like an exercise brag. In reality, we’re motivated entirely by a need for stronger mental health to get on top of something.

Beside this was a post from another friend, in a gorgeous new dress she’d bought to wear to high tea and the admission that she’s sick of waiting to fit into clothes she has, that don’t suit her anyway. She’d decided to rock this dress, just as she is.

The closer we can become to being same person on and offline and in private, the more at peace we feel. There’s no need to pretend we’re going to music festivals when we don’t want to go. No need to hide the kind of struggles that, once we peek behind the glossy exterior of other people’s lives, we realise everyone else experiences too. No need to postpone life until we’re happier with our situation.

It’s not about trying to be a better person. It’s about learning to embrace exactly who we are.

Still struggling with this? Listen to a FREE ONLINE CLASS: “The is not the life I ordered”.

Image of ‘girl holding…‘ via Shutterstock